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Oscar Taveras and Peter Bourjos can never play together

Reports from sources totally say so.

Scott Rovak-USA TODAY Sports

Recent reports from team sources have sparked rumors that top prospect Oscar Taveras will not be joining the major league club as long as recently acquired center fielder Peter Bourjos is on the team. The unnamed sources clarified that the decision was based on chemistry issues between the two players.

According to the source, the issue stems from the conflicting personal missions of the two players. "Taveras is pretty determined to spread violence across the Earth, but Pete has sworn to defend it," another source explained on condition of anonymity. "It's a pretty contentious issue between the two."

When reached for comment, general manager John Mozeliak had virtually nothing to say about the issue, noting that "players sometimes have conflicting priorities, but [the organization] emphasizes a team environment." It is an issue that has spread through the clubhouse, where some players have been quick to form opinions. Matt Holliday, one of the anchors for the team's offense, has been known for occasional violence, as well as for intimidating opposing players and teammates alike. Similarly, first baseman Matt Adams has in the past expressed a distaste for defensive players on any part of the field. Other players, like shortstop Pete Kozma, who played with Bourjos in the majors this year before the former joined Taveras in AAA Memphis, have managed to avoid saying anything.

But that has not left Bourjos without his own set of sympathizers, however. Carefully removing his Moto X from his locker in Citi Field's visitors clubhouse, Allen Craig noted how important it is for the Earth and its inhabitants to value defense. However, he hastily added that as a form of defense, speed is often "overrated, especially relative to strong, protective cases", as he took care not to drop his phone. Shelby Miller was hesitant to take a position, glancing around the clubhouse, but admitted that "it is kind of nice knowing one of Earth's greatest defenders has my back", as Jon Jay wandered aimlessly nearby.

Veteran and leader Yadier Molina seemed to have mixed feelings. While he expressed his support of defense in general, he worried that Bourjos might be too zealous in his defensive endeavors. "The way he zips across the field make me nervous; it's like he's out of his mind." Molina continued, "Oscar on the other hand seems more cautious when running across my field; I like that."

Finally, some players made excuses to avoid commenting. Carlos Martinez claimed he was not familiar with the rumor, as he had "not been on the internet" during the club's current road trip since he preferred to surf the web from the privacy of his home.

Answering questions following the team's 2-0 loss to the Mets on Monday, Matheny was asked if he expected the conflict between Bourjos and Taveras could be serious in the future, but he was unable to comment.


Note: Fourstick has been on vacation, but will hopefully be back to writing Tuesday posts next week, so I don't have to make stuff up again.