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Thanking the St. Louis Cardinals infielder-outfielders(?)

DROP TABLE, LOL, just kidding. Skip Schumaker or something, whatever.

Jared Wickerham

Dude, you guys.


Keep it down over there, LOL. It's me, the Ghost of Chris Lambert! Your bud! Back from being trapped all up in Internet Ghost Purgatory like that cartoon about the Japanese chick who kills herself!! Here as usual to mess with your dopey webmaster!

But you guys have to be chill for a few minutes, because I'm using a super weird loophole to do it! Ghost physics stuff, haha, no big deal.

Your Host with the Least Host With The Most Dumbness created it by mistake. Which was hard, because that's pretty much the only reason they made SB Nation United, like, lazyloading comments kind of screws with our ecto-whatever. (They put Billy Rowell in Ghost Jail! Ghost Jail is actually pretty okay though.)

But I like messing with you nerds way more than getting my clock cleaned in the California Ghost Penal (LOL) League. So yeah, the loophole. It's here because your dopey webmaster didn't count on my man Skip Schumaker gumming up the old works on his 40-man roster thing. Infielder? Outfielder? What isn't Skip, right? Dude.


Sorry, I've got to keep it down all Ghost-Whisperer-like (jk that show is for chicks, I think.) Anyway. Skip Schumaker's hustle created an extra post in the system, and I possessed it, because ghost reasons.

The good thing about Skip Schumaker, ghost-wise, is that none of you corporeal nerds want to talk about him, so I can pretty much hang out here forever! Or until one of you gets a date! jk! Like, Dan "Moore boring Ray Lankford stories" Moore can thank Skip all he want, but I'll bet you 100 ghost-dollars that it's going to get a little passive aggressive after a few comments. He's all, "Hey, thanks for going way out of your way to learn second base because the team needed it, because that's really selfless, and it's super okay that you're friggin terrible at it and that your great attitude and positive clubhouse vibes mean they play you way too much," like he's a sign from my old roommate about cleaning the dorm fridge once in a while since I'm using it after all.

Like, how do you even thank a guy like that when you're not a worldly ethereal bachelor-about-town like me? No doubt you can appreciate good dudes, and no doubt you think you can appreciate good baseball players, but put a good dude and a bad baseball player together and you'll take some nutjob who has a million-billion WAR (what is it good for, LOL) over the fat old Buddha hitting .250. You dorks still have to worry about some Greek math guy's baseball formulas, or whatever, so it's not okay that Skip's a bad second baseman even though he's a great guy who works hard and is crazy at MVP Baseball, or at least was when I still had hands and the Ghost of Billy Rowell hadn't stolen my Gamecube. I get it, totally. Psych!

So happy Thanksgiving, jerks. Hope you feel super bad about the way baseball makes you feel about good people. I'm going to sneak out of here before the CMS asks for my ID and sends me to the California Dong Association, LOL. Later!!