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The Cardinals played a baseball game and found a new and much funnier way to lose

I’ve got nothing.

MLB: St. Louis Cardinals at Miami Marlins Sam Navarro-USA TODAY Sports

Following what very well may have been the most embarassing loss of the season so far, the Cardinals had to get back off the mat Wednesday evening and try their best to salvage a split of this four-game series with Skip Schumaker’s Miami Marlins.

Here are the starting lineups for the Cardinals and the Marlins in game three of the series:


  1. Brendan Donovan, DH
  2. Paul Goldschmidt, 1B
  3. Lars Nootbaar, CF
  4. Nolan Arenado, 3B
  5. Willson Contreras, C
  6. Nolan Gorman, 2B
  7. Jordan Walker, LF
  8. Paul DeJong, SS
  9. Dylan Carlson, RF

Matthew Liberatore - SP


  1. Luis Arraez, 2B
  2. Jorge Soler, RF
  3. Bryan De La Cruz, LF
  4. Garrett Cooper, DH
  5. Yuli Gurriel, 1B
  6. Jean Segura, 3B
  7. Dane Myers, CF
  8. Jacob Stallings, C
  9. Jon Berti, SS

Bryan Hoeing - SP

And boy oh boy, is that Simpson’s meme true or what.

After Jordan Walker walloped a two-out, two-strike, go-ahead two-run homer in the top of the ninth, Jordan Hicks threw the game away in the bottom of the ninth. On a soft ground ball, the firethrowing righty threw a marshmallow over the head of Goldschmidt at first base, allowing the tying and winning runs to score.

This team.

On an unrelated note, I’ll be making a trip to St. Louis next week for the Nationals series. Suggestions on where to eat and things I should stop and see would be much appreciated in the comments below! Additionally, I’m a sucker for donuts. If there are any locals out there who know where to get the best donuts on the weekend, drop that in the comments, too. I only get to make it down to St. Louis once per year, if I’m lucky.

Anyway, about that game we just watched.....

1st Inning

The Cardinals worked Hoeing in the first inning and loaded the bases, but came up just short of scoring. Brendan Donovan led off and looked at strike three below the knees and a bit out of the zone. Goldschmidt grounded out of to Jean Segura at third base.

St. Louis then loaded the bases with two outs against Hoeing. Nootbaar drew a walk, Arenado ripped a double into the left field corner, and Contreras walked to load them up. After getting ahead 2-0 in the count, Gorman flew out to the warning track in left field for the third out.

Miami absolutely assaulted Liberatore in the first inning, scoring three runs before he even recorded an out. Luis Arraez led off the bottom of the first by slicing a double down into the left field corner. Soler followed with a line drive single to left field, moving Arraez to third, where he stopped. De La Cruz singled to left field as well, scoring Arraez to get Miami on the board first.

Garrett Cooper followed with a double to left field, scoring Soler and De La Cruz to make it 3-0 Marlins, still with no outs.

Liberatore couldn’t sniff the strike zone against Yuli Gurriel, walking him on four pitches. Segura’s deep fly ball to left was deep enough for Cooper to tag up and move into scoring position — but stayed in the park for the first out of Liberatore’s start.

It also turned out to be the only out Liberatore would record, as a Dane Myers RBI single to center field made it 4-0 Marlins, and his day was done. Oli Marmol immediately went to the bullpen and brought in Dakota Hudson for mop-up duty.

Hudson’s first batter he faced was Jacob Stallings. The Marlins’ catcher hit a ground ball right back at Hudson, and it ricocheted off his leg towards Goldschmidt at first, who was able to grab it and step on first for the second out. Hudson got Berti to fly out to end the long, horrendous inning.

Liberatore’s final line: 0.1 IP, 5 H, 4 ER, 1 BB, 0 K (21 pitches)

2nd Inning

The Cardinals went 1-2-3 against Hoeing in the second. Walker grounded out to short, DeJong flew out to deep right field, and Carlson struck out swinging on the tenth pitch he saw in the at-bat.

Hudson lost control of his sinker in the second, and Miami was able to score just by keeping the bat on their shoulders. Arraez grounded out to start the inning, and then Soler wacked a double to left field. De La Cruz grounded out to first base for the second out, advancing Soler to third. Hudson then proceeded to walk Cooper, Gurriel, and Segura, with the last one forcing in a run to make it 5-0. Hudson struck out Myers with a 2-2 slider to end the inning, with Miami up 5-0.

3rd Inning

St. Louis ralled back in the fifth, putting up a five-spot to tie things up.

Donovan led off the inning with a base knock to left field. Donovan was erased a second later when Goldschmidt grounded into a fielder’s choice out at second, but Goldschmidt moved into scoring postion a moment later when Nootbaar drew his second walk of the game.

With one out, Arenado doubled into right-center field, scoring both Goldschmidt and Nootbaar to make it 5-2 Marlins. It was Arenado’s second double of the game.

Contreras followed with a double yanked right down the third base line, with the ball rolling all the way down towards the left field wall. Arenado scored from second easily, making it just 5-3 Miami.

After a mound visit from pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre, Hoeing grooved a first-pitch snker right down the middle, and Gorman crushed it 407 feet to center field for a game-tying two-run homer. It was Gorman’s 17th home run of the season, and it knotted the game at five runs apiece.

After the homer Jordan Walker struck out and DeJong grounded out to third base to end the top half of the frame.

The tie game was short lived, however. Jacob Stallings — the proud owner of a .569 OPS this season — pulled his hands in and sent a first-pitch sinker from Hudson 388 feet into the left field seats for his first homer of the season. It put Miami up 6-5. It was Stallings’ 22nd career home run in his eight-year career.

Hudson got each of the next three hitters, with Berti flying out to right, Arraez grounding out to first, and Soler grounding out to third base.

4th Inning

Right-hander George Soriano replaced Hoeing in the top of the fourth. The Cardinals put the pressure on him, putting runners on the corners with nobody out thanks to a Carlson walk and Donovan’s second hit of the day. Goldschmidt was ready to do damage, but instead he grounded into a 6-4-3 double play that tied the game but erased everything else on the bases with two outs.

Lars Nootbaar ripped a 110 mph double to right field with two outs, giving Arenado a shot to put St. Louis ahead. The freshly-minted All-Star reached out and pulled a 2-1 slider deep into the left center field gap, but Marlins’ center fielder Dane Myers made a phenomenal catch, making the play on a dead sprint seconds before crashing headfirst into the center field wall. His catch prevented Arenado from getting his third double of the day, and kept the game tied.

Steven Matz replaced Hudson in the fourth, after Hudson pitched 2.2 innings of relief behind Liberatore. De La Cruz faced him first and reached on a swinging bunt up the third base line. Cooper struck out swinging, and Gurriel’s 103 mph ground ball was snagged by Matz before being turned into an inning-ending 1-4-3 double play.

5th Inning

Right-hander JT Chargois took the mound in the fifth, Miami’s third pitcher of the evening. After striking out Contreras, Chargois handed out walks to both Gorman and Walker. St. Louis wasn’t able to take advatange though, as Paul DeJong’s 102 mph line drive was hit directly at Berti, and Carlson struck out for the second time.

Matz worked around a one-out base hit from Myers to put up a scoreless frame in the fifth. He struck out Berti on three pitches to end the fifth inning.

6th Inning

Left-hander Steven Okert became the fourth Marlins’ pitcher of the day in the sixth inning. He got both Brendan Donovan and Goldschmidt to fly out, and then Lars Nootbaar took strike three looking on a slider several inches out of the zone. Nootbaar was literally hopping mad, and jumped three times while he shouted and wagged his finger at home plate umpire Jeff Nelson. It should’ve been his third walk of the day, but instead Okert became the first pitcher to get Lars out during this game.

The Marlins pushed two runs across in the sixth against the Cardinals’ pen. Matz faced Arraez first in the sixth, and jammed him with a first pitch sinker so bad that Arraez fell down in the box. The pitch hit the knob of his bat and probably stung the hands pretty good, as Arraez fell to his knees immediately. Matz picked up the fair ball and tagged Arraez out in the batter’s box for the first out.

But after walking Soler with one out, De La Cruz roped a double down into the corner in left, and Soler scored all the way from first to make it 7-6.

Chris Stratton replaced Matz on the mound, and the first batter he faced — Cooper — pushed an RBI single the other way into right field, making it 8-6 Miami.

After Cooper pushed the Marlins ahead by a pair, Gurriel grounded into an inning-ending 6-4-3 double play.

7th Inning

Right-hander Huascar Brazoban took the mound in the seventh, Miami’s fifth pitcher of the game. Arenado greeted him with a 108 mph double to left field — his third double of the game. Contreras drove him in moments later with an RBI single to right field, cutting the deficit to one run, 8-7.

Brazoban limited any further damage, striking out Gorman with a changeup in the dirt and getting Walker to ground into an inning-ending 5-4-3 double play.

Stratton returned for the bottom of the seventh and struck out Jean Segura to start the inning. The called third strike was a slider several inches out of the zone, and Segura let Nelson know it wasn’t a strike by using his bat to draw a line in the opposite batter’s box where he felt the pitch was. Segura was immediately ejected from the game, and was later replaced by Joey Wendle.

Myers grounded out for the second out, and Stallings flew out to right field to send this game to the eighth.

8th Inning

Left-hander Tanner Scott had the eighth for Miami — the Marlins’ sixth pitcher of the game. DeJong struck out hacking at a bad slider for the first out of the inning. But Carlson worked a seven-pitch walk and Donovan ripped a base hit to right field to put runners on first and third for Paul Goldschmidt, with just one out.

Last time he was in this spot (the fourth inning), Goldschmidt grounded into a double play that scored a run. This time, he struck out swinging at a slider at the ankles. Tanner Scott struck out Nootbaar on three pitches to end the top of the inning, stranding the tying and go-ahead runs on base.

Giovanny Gallegos came into the game in the bottom half of the inning — a lower-leverage spot where it already felt like the game was most likely over. He retired all three batters he faced, getting Berti to ground out, Arraez to fly out, and Soler to pop out on the infield.

9th Inning

Former first-round pick A.J. Puk jogged in from the bullpen to shut things down for Miami. Arenado struck out for the first out. Contreras hit a chopper between the mound and first base, and — with the help of (or despite?) a headfirst slide — he beat Puk to the bag for an infield hit. Luken Baker pinch-hit for Gorman and struck out for the second out.

And then.....Jordan Walker. My, oh my.

After battling to a 3-2 count, Puk served Walker a flat, 96 mph fastball at the bottom of the zone, and Walker obliterated it 444 feet into the left field seats.... over the bullpen. Over everything. It gave St. Louis a 9-8 lead after being down to their very last strike.

Paul DeJong struck out to send this game to the bottom of the ninth, and the pitch called to ring him up was once again several inches below what I’d assume the strike zone to be.

Jordan Hicks entered the game in the bottom of the ninth to close the game, set to face the Marlins’ 3-4-5 in the order.

He walked De La Cruz on four pitches to start the ninth, because Cardinal fans aren’t allowed to have nice things. Cooper struck out waving at a slider for the first out, but Gurriel just got enough of a 101 sinker from Hicks to flip it the other way into right field for a hit, putting runners on first and second with one out.

Wendle hit next, having entered the game for Segura in the seventh when he was ejected for making fun of Nelson’s strike zone. He fell behind 1-2, and then hit a soft chopper back to Hicks on the mound. Hicks went to throw to first base, and promptly tossed the ball over Goldschmidt’s head into right field, allowing both runners to score.


FINAL: Marlins 10, Cardinals 9

Up Next

The Cardinals (35-51) continue their limp towards the All-Star break tomorrow — same time, same place — when they face the fighting Skip Schumakers (51-37) in Miami. ack Flaherty (5-5, 4.60 ERA) will throw for the Cardinals. He fired six shutout innings against the Yankees his last time out. Eury Perez (5-2, 2.47 ERA) will start for Miami. The 20-year old phenom got bombarded by the Braves his last time out, but prior to that had allowed just one run over a stretch of six starts. First pitch will once again be at 5:40 p.m.

Around the Central

Reds 9, Nationals 2

Brewers 3, Cubs 1 - TOP 8

Pirates 1, Dodgers 0 - TOP 1