We're coming to you live from my North Florida Apartment. I just finished a dinner of bacon and eggs because I am dope and I do dope stuff. There are three wheat beers in my fridge, one cigar in my humidor and a song in my heart. It's not a good song but it's been that kind of young season.
Our pitching matchup today features Miles "Let's talk about my facial hair" Mikolas and Hyun-jin "Good luck spelling that name you classless American" Ryu. As always, I'm sure both pitchers' parents are very proud.
Our announcers for the tenth game of the season, brought to you without much forethought, are Dan McLaughlin and Tim McCarver, God help us all. We're playing the Dodgers. At the risk of flirting with analysis, they're a darn good team.
Miles shaved his mustache. I feel a little betrayed.
Joc Pederson leads off the game by getting tapped on the elbow pad with the second pitch of the game. He's on first base because those are the rules. He moved to third base because Cory Seager singled off a diving Harrison Bader in center field.
According to McCarver, the RBI became an official statistic in 1920. What's an unofficial statistic? Also, who makes statistics official? So many questions.
Cody Bellinger gets credit for an RBI because his ground ball did not result in a double play. 1 - 0 Dodgers. Bellinger then scores from first on a double to left field by AJ Pollock. 2 - 0 Dodgers. Tim points out that left fielder Marcell Ozuna did not get to the ball quickly, shocking Cardinal fans everywhere. Muncy flies to left. 2 outs.
Alex Verdugo, who let's face it, has a sexy name, comes to the plate and grounds out to DeJong at short.
Matt Carpenter leads off the bottom of the frame against Ryu. Carpenter draws the count full before lining out to Cody Bellinger at first base. Paul Goldschmidt comes to the plate. McCarver is having trouble pronouncing Ryu. He probably should have asked about that one before the game. Goldschmidt also draws the count full before walking. Jose Martinez comes to the plate and does his "one man wave" routine in the batter's box. Always a crowd pleaser.
Martinez grounds to short for a fielder's choice. He's on first for Marcell Ozuna who ties it up with a low trajectory dinger that wraps around the left field foul pole. Now we're cooking. 2 - 2 ballgame.
DeJong doubles over AJ Pollock's head. It looked like AJ timed it wrong. I feel his pain. I time everything wrong.
Molina comes up with 2 outs and DeJong on second. He lines out to Cory Seager at short, stranding DeJong a mere twenty or so feet from his fielding position, which is always convenient.
Mikolas faces Kike Hernandez. It's pronounced Kee Kay and it is fun to say. He pops out to Bader who had to dive in shallow center because second baseman Kolten Wong is everywhere all at once, like Argon. Russel Martin, who far and away has the most boring name on the Dodgers, comes to the plate and grounds to Carpenter at third. 2 outs. Ryu comes to the plate, draws the count full and strikes out. That was a 1-2-3 inning and I'm going to need a lot more of those if my beer is to remain untouched.
Harrison Bader leads off the bottom of the inning by grounding out to Bellinger at short. Kolten Wong, who was all up in Bader's position last inning, strikes out swinging on a nasty hook from Ryu. Miles Mikolas, freshly shorn, takes his turn in the old batter's rectangle. Ryu invites the trainer out with a wave of his hand after throwing his first pitch to Miles. Because it's the tenth game of the season, that will do it for Ryu. I'm not entirely sad to see him go but I love watching him walk away if you know what I mean.
Our new pitcher is Dylan Floro, another cool name that McCarver has difficulty pronouncing. I've never heard of Dylan Floro but then again I haven't heard of much since the accident.
Floro inherits an 0 - 1 count and gets Mikolas to pop out to Bellinger at first.
Joc Pederson leads off the top of the third inning while Danny and Tim tell us that Branch Rickey invented the birds on the bat logo the Cardinals still use today. They're not just here to mispronounce names folks. Pederson flies out to left field. Cory Seager takes his turn at the dish and also flies out to left. Cody Bellinger, of the Los Angeles Bellingers, mixes it up a little and flies out to center. 1-2-3 inning on ten pitches.
I wonder how Miles Mikolas's wife feels about his facial hair. I hope someone asks her. We need this information for the official statistics.
Matt Carpenter leads off the bottom of the frame by popping it up to Seager, who ran around in a circle and caught the ball while falling down. McCarver, because he is a curmudgeon, blames the shift. Paul "You can call me Goldy if you want to" Goldschmidt strikes out against the right handed Floro. Jose Martinez comes up to bat and grounds out to the right side. 1-2-3 inning on 10 pitches.
Each team has two runs and two hits. This game has symmetry.
Harrison Bader owns a golden doodle. The folks at Fox Sports Midwest feel you need to know this. AJ Pollock leads off the inning and grounds out to Mikolas. Max Muncy, another straight up awesomely named fella, strikes out on five pitches. No word on what dog, if any, Muncy owns. Verdugo is back and I feel you need to know that his gold chain is extra glittery. They have a shift on for him. He grounds out to Dejong. 1-2-3 inning.
Marcell Ozuna draws the count full, then grounds out to third to start the bottom half of the inning. Paul DeJong comes up to the plate completely unaware that Danny Mac just invited McCarver over to watch wrestling. These guys are so wacky. DeJong strikes out on three pitches. Yadier Molina bats. Remember when Yadi wore number 41? I feel we don't talk about that enough. Anyway, he gets robbed by an amazing diving catch by AJ Pollock. 1-2-3 inning. Still tied at 2.
Kike Hernandez leads off the fifth inning with a groundout to Carpenter off the 61st pitch of the game for Miles. Russel Martin bats and gets tapped on the elbow with the second pitch of the at bat. He's on first because, as I told you earlier, those are the rules. Some guy named Chris Taylor comes to the plate with his boring ass name and flies out to Bader in right center. Joc Pederson is back. He gets plunked on the foot with a breaking pitch. There are two men on base and they both got barely hit with pitches. Cory Seager raps a single to left on an 0 -2 pitch. Martin scored from second. Martin is not fast but our left fielder is dealing with some shoulder stuff so Russel scores easily. 3 -2 Dodgers. Cody Bellinger comes to the plate, draws the count full, and walks.
Tim McCarver just said, "There are some things in baseball that are secret and you can hide. An outfielder who can't throw, you can't hide that." So glad he's here.
Ryu has a groin strain. Bummer.
AJ Pollock comes up to the dish, probably hoping to capitalize on the run of bad luck befalling Mikolas this inning, and draws the count full with the bases loaded. That beer is calling my name right now.
Pollock strikes out. I stay sober.
Dylan Floro is replaced by Scott Alexander who I've also never heard of. I've been busy lately, what can I say? Alexander, a lefty, makes short work of Bader, striking him out on three pitches. Kolten Wong grounds out to Alexander. Miles Mikolas grounds the first pitch he sees to the second baseman for the final out of the inning. Another 1-2-3 inning for the Dodgers. That's like twelve retired in a row for them.
Max Muncy leads off the top of the sixth by floating a single into left against the shift. Verdugo bats with Muncy at first base. Miles appears to be nibbling with breaking stuff. Leone is up in the bullpen. Verdugo turns a 3 - 0 count into a full count and then pops out to Paul DeJong in shallow left. Do I really have to mention that he's in shallow left? I mean, it would be rather crazy if he was in deep left. He's a shortstop for the sake of Pete. At any rate, Kike Hernandez hits a hard luck double off a sliding Jose "Can't Field" Martinez. Runners at second and third for Russel Martin. Mikolas is at 96 pitches but doesn't really look bad. Bader makes a nice play running in on a flare and doubles off Kike Hernandez who either didn't get the message that Harrison Bader covers more ground than lawn fertilizer or didn't know how many outs there were. Either way, not his proudest moment.
Matt Carpenter leads off the bottom of the frame. This would be a great inning to put a number or two on the board. I mean, I don't want to editorialize or anything but it would be pretty cool. Carpenter hits a single. He's on first base, hence the word: single.
Dancing Joe Kelly comes in from the bullpen. Finally, a Dodgers reliever I've heard of.
Goldschmidt walks on seven pitches. Runners on first and second for Jose Martinez.
Martinez singles to left and drives in Carpenter. Pederson made a nice play on it but couldn't quite catch it on the fly. Runners on first and second for Marcell Ozuna, who hits into a groundball double play.
Paul DeJong comes up with two outs and Goldy on third. I can call him Goldy. He said it was cool.
The 1 - 0 pitch gets away from Martin and Goldy scores the go ahead.
4 -3 ballgame.
DeJong hits a single into center field, which is as good a place as any I imagine.
Yadier Molina comes to the plate to face his old battery mate Machine Gun Joe Kelly (Kelly gets lots of nicknames). Yadi lines to Seager at short. We go to the seventh because of the way both baseball and time work.
Screw it. I'm drinking a beer.
John Gant comes in to face hometown hero David Freese. It's been six years but he still gets an ovation because St. Louis. Also the whole World Series MVP thing. He grounds out to Carpenter.
Gant faces Joc Pederson next. Because I'm sure you're interested, I'm drinking a Belgian Wheat by Cigar City Brewing, a Tampa favorite. Also, Pederson popped out on the infield. Gant faces Seager and strikes him out looking. 1-2-3 inning on nine pitches for Johnny Strong Hands. It's time to stretch.
Bader leads off the bottom of the seventh against new pitcher Pedro Baez, who I've also heard of. It's nice to know what you're watching.
Tim McCarver is going to do his best to let us know whether or not Pedro Baez, son of a baker, ever kneaded dough. He'll have this vital information for us tomorrow with any luck. Bader grounded out.
Wong comes to the plate with one out and the bases empty. They shift him to the right while taking away the bunt on the left. Probably a smart defense but what do I know about kneading dough?
Wong flies out to center field while Dan brings up, yet again, that they have never had a foul ball land in the booth at Busch the Third. O'Neill pinch hits and flies out to right. 1-2-3 inning on eight pitches for Baez.
Gant faces Bellinger to open the eighth inning. Bellinger walks. He's followed by Pollock, who flies out to Tyler O'Neill, who replaced Martinez in right field. That brings up Mad Max Muncy who may not be even remotely upset but I just broke two thousand words here so I'm typing what I want. Muncy hits into a groundball double play and we go to the bottom of the inning.
Again, not to editorialize, but an insurance run or two wouldn't hurt here.
Matt Carpenter comes to the plate to lead off the bottom of the inning. Jordan Hicks is warming up in the bullpen, which is where he should warm up. The beer is delicious thank you very much. Carpenter grounds out to Baez who played it behind his back. Goldy flies out to center field. Dexter Fowler comes up to pinch hit for Gant. The pitchers spot got moved when O'Neill replaced Martinez thanks to the old double switch. Fowler works the count full and then grounds out to first. We go to the ninth.
Jordan Hicks is in. Those four words say so much. Hopefully, he only walks one batter.
Verdugo comes to the plate and strikes out on four pitches, all of them more filthy than my old college apartment. Kike Hernandez saw one pitch a foot outside and then another one that just missed his chin at 100 miles per hour. On a 3 -1 count, Hicks walks him on a high fastball that clocks in at 101 miles per hour. Yadi goes out to talk to Hicks. This seemed to help yesterday afternoon.
Russel Martin's turn. He pops it up to Wong on the first pitch.
Justin Turner is up. Man, the Dodgers have one stacked team. First pitch from Hicks is a 101 mile an hour sinker that Turner fouls off. Second pitch from Hicks is a diving 89 mile an hour slider that Turner missed by a foot. Turner works the count to 1 - 2 by laying off a filthy waste pitch a foot outside. The 1 - 2 pitch is a sinker grounded to Carpenter for the final out.