Welcome back to another St. Louis Cardinals game brought to you by a middle aged man in a North Florida apartment. In addition to Samantha, who is cooking yet another meal (Chicken Marsala this time), we are joined by announcers Brian Anderson and Bill Schroeder. They kind of blur together after a while.
I’m kidding. They blur together almost immediately.
Tonight’s starting pitchers are Junior Guerra and Jack Flaherty, neither of whom have ever flipped a car over and lit roman candles into the upside down cab. Some people are just snobs.
Samantha says she would love to say hello to all of VEB. You hear that VEB? A woman who doesn’t know you and won’t give you her real first name came super close to actually saying Hi to this fine internet community.
Bill or Brian has informed us that the roof is closed. I wish they would tell us why. Is it raining? Too cold? Too hot? Why the mystery, Schroeder (or Anderson)?
Carpenter leads off with a double in the Right Center gap. Bill/Brian said he whistled it. I love it when a ball whistles. I mean, it’s always the same tune but it’s still nice.
Carpenter advances to Third on a wild pitch Pina tried to backhand.
Brian reminds us that the Cardinals lead the league in errors. Bill mentions six unearned runs from last night. These guys clearly live in the past. The very recent past.
Runner on Third and no one out.
Pham Ks looking at an inside pitch. Tim Timmons is your umpire and I have a feeling the general direction of your ire today.
Runner on Third and one out.
Martinez fouls out to Villar. Carpenter holds.
Two outs. Guess where the runner is.
Pham just got tossed by Timmons. You know as much as I do.
Ozuna draws the count full before flying out to shallow left.
Lead-off doubles are too often turned into runs anyway.
Jack Flaherty opens the bottom of the 1st Inning by striking out Thames. Jack looks like he’s got the good stuff but he’s a little wide of the zone. Hopefully he brings it in.
Folks I hope we all bring it in.
Yelich strikes out looking. It’s taken him 14 pitches but Flaherty seems to have good movement. I would love it if he could get a little of that pinpoint control Greg Maddux trademarked in ‘92.
Cain walks on four pitches. You know, you don’t have to waste pitches to walk people anymore Jack. This is Manfred’s MLB.
Travis Shaw pops out to Carpenter.
20 pitches for Jack.
Still no score.
Sam says 14 minutes to dinner but I can pause live television so you’ll never even know when I eat.
What a time to be alive.
Yadier Molina steps up near the plate and hits a routine ground ball off Travis Shaw’s glove. Did you know the Brewers lead this game in errors?
With Yadi on First, Dexter Fowler flies out to Right.
Bill described Dexter as a “big part of the Cardinals lack of offense.”
Yairo Munoz strikes out against Junior. To be fair, swinging at pitches within the zone is so cliche.
Kolten Wong, hitting slightly better than Dexter Fowler on the year, gets plunked on the triceps. Time for Flaherty to show you why they call him Jack.
That’s not why they call him Jack.
They call him Jack because his name is Jack.
I’ll admit, it’s not the most original nickname.
Flaherty goes back to the hill and stands on top of it. From there he can best deliver pitches to Jesus Aguilar, who grounds to Munoz at Short.
Jonathan Villar, who switches when he hits, also grounds out to Munoz.
Manny Pina comes up to hit and remind everyone that he is indeed here. I for one am sick of seeing him.
Pina strikes out.
Carpenter walks to lead off the inning.
Harrison Bader comes up to hit. He took over for Pham after Umpire Tim Timmons gave Tommy the rest of the night off.
Bader drops a sacrifice bunt because that makes sense.
Carpenter stands on Second and watches Groot dance in the box like one of those Chumbawumba toys.
Jose Martinez, who Brian described as a bright spot, strikes out.
Ozuna taps a seeing eye single to Left.
1 - 0 Cardinals.
Molina grounds out to Shaw.
Flaherty needs to pitch the bottom of the inning so he goes out to the mound. I mean, where would you go?
David Stearns, GM for the Brewers, is in the booth to talk shop with Bill and Brian. I cannot tell you how little the executive interpretation of another team’s draft means to me.
Arcia strikes out swinging at a pitch in the dirt, Guerra strikes out looking at a fastball on the outside corner and Thames strikes out swinging on a low breaking pitch. Thames throws his helmet but Timmons likes him more than he likes Tommy Pham so Eric gets to stay.
Dexter Fowler of the Slumping Fowlers leads off the inning by grounding to Second. He’s followed by Yairo Munoz who draws a walk. With Munoz on First, Guerra on the hill, Bill and Brian in the booth, Sam in the kitchen and me at my keyboard, Kolten Wong hits into a Fielder’s Choice and takes Yairo’s spot on First.
Time for Captain Jack Flaherty to show you why they call him Thunder Stick.
Flaherty strikes out.
No one calls him Thunder Stick. I just made that up.
Fate draws Jack back to the rubber.
Christian Yelich flies out to begin the bottom of the inning, Lorenzo Cain gets hit on his elbow to continue the inning, Travis Shaw strikes out swinging at breaking ball to make the second out of the inning and then Jesus Aguilar pops out to Thunder Stick to end it.
Matt Carpenter leads off an inning for the third time this game. He’s doubled and walked.
Dinner was great. Thanks for asking.
Carpenter strikes out swinging on a splitter, Bader strikes out swinging on a splitter and Martinez, just to break up the monotony, walks... on a splitter.
Guerra’s at 91 pitches.
Marcell Ozuna grounds out to Arcia.
Flaherty goes back to the mound because he’s a pitcher and the mound is where they work.
Villar leads off with soft liner, Munoz goes full extension and snags it for out number one.
Manny “Not Him Again” Pina strikes out on a breaking pitch low and outside.
Arcia grounds out to his counterpart, Munoz.
You gotta love having counterparts. It makes you feel like there’s balance in the world.
Guerra serves a high fastball to Molina, who lines it to Left for a single.
Fowler draws the count full then walks on Guerra’s 106th pitch.
With runners on First and Second and no one out, Craig Counsell takes a thought or three out to Timmy Timmons. Double switch incoming.
Now pitching for the Brewers is Josh Hader. He’s a guy and he used to be a guy and he still is a guy.
Hernan Perez takes over at Shortstop for Arcia, who I imagine will go find some gum.
Munoz strikes out after Hader takes a few pitches to find the zone.
Kollten Wong strikes out.
That leaves two down for Captain Jack Thunderstick Flaherty, who has ended a lot of the innings in this game, both offensively and defensively.
He bunts a ball foul to bring the count to 1 - 2.
Jack strikes out looking and then heads back to the bump.
Feels like we’ve left a lot of folks on the bases this game.
Perez Ks, Thames walks, Yelich Ks swinging on a breaking pitch out of the zone but Thames steals Second.
10 strikeouts for Flaherty.
Molina muffs a pitch and Thames advances.
Samantha on Jack Flaherty, “He’s got great skin.”
So glad she’s here.
Lorenzo Cain, with a man at third and many more on the planet, strikes out on an inside fastball.
Jacob Barnes on to pitch. He also is a guy.
Carpenter leads off an inning for the fourth time this game. He strikes out on a ball in the dirt after running the count full.
Harrison Bader flies out to Eric Thames. Those are some great names.
Jose Martinez strikes out.
You don’t really realize how many strikeouts there are nowadays until you write the word “strikeout” fifty times in a game recap.
Jack Flaherty, as is his nature, returns to the mound for the bottom of the 7th.
Travis Shaw comes up to bat. It’s his spot in the order after all.
Shaw is the 12th strikeout victim of Captain Jack Thunder Stick Flaherty, First of his Name.
Jesus Aguilar comes up and ties the game by golfing a dinger to Left Center.
1 - 1
Go get Flaherty now Mike. He’s at 101 pitches.
Flaherty throws pitch 102 to Villar, who takes it happily for a ball.
Pitch 103 gets fouled off.
104 is strike two.
105 is fouled off.
106 is grounded to Wong for out number two.
Flaherty is still out there. Why not?
Pitch 110 strikes out Manny Pina.
Mary Alice Eisch is a nice old lady who crochets blankets at Brewers games and gives the resulting blankets to chartiy.
Jeremy Jeffress is a guy and it’s his turn to pitch.
Marcell Ozuna strikes out.
Yadier Molina strikes out.
Mary Alice Eisch strikes out.
Dexter Fowler grounds out to Villar.
Jordan Hicks is on to pitch.
Sogard leads off the bottom of the 8th with a single to Center.
Hernan Perez bunts but Hicks goes to Second and gets his man.
The benches clear because Munoz and Sogard spoke heatedly to each other after the close play at Second.
This country really needs a hero.
Everyone goes back to their lives. No one gets ejected. Tommy Pham angrily chomps on sunflower seeds whilst staring at the game monitor in the clubhouse.
Jordan Hicks vs. Eric Thames. That’s two rivers in one at bat.
Thames flies to Left.
Two outs and Perez still at First.
Another ball gets away from Molina, this one a high fastball. Perez advances to Second.
Christian Yelich walks.
Hicks looks good but a little wild.
Lorenzo Cain strikes out.
Corey Knebel, a guy if there ever was one, is on to pitch.
Munoz chops a high fastball to Second for the first out, Wong strikes out on three straight curve balls and then Greg Garcia, batting for Hicks, pops out.
There have been 29 strikeouts in this game.
There have been 51 outs in this game.
Travis Shaw leads off the bottom of the 9th against Bud Norris.
You probably won’t believe this, but Travis Shaw struck out.
Jesus Aguilar hits a walk-off home run.
At least Mike Matheny shaved for this.