3, 2, 1 Anchors Aweigh, The Boat Anchors Threatening To Drag The Cardinals To The Bottom Of The Division

Three Fubar'd Seasons

Courtesy of Mssrs. Wong, Fowler and Carpenter. With nearly a third of the games played, I thought all three of their seasons were as f***ed up as redneck's checkbook at Christmas. After doing some back of the envelope (literally) math, their seasons appear salvageable. The most likely to approach career averages may be Matt Carpenter.

Carpenter is slashing .199/.320/.370. His career slash line is .274/.375/.456. To get to there from here, Carp would need to slash .306/.400/.493 for the rest of the season(disclaimer: these numbers are close but not exact). Those aren't Man From La Mancha unreachable stars kind of numbers. More like 2017 Paul Goldschmidt numbers for the remainder of 2018. That would certainly be a nice pick me up to a lineup that looks deader than disco most nights.

Wong has the least amount of ground to make up to reach his career averages simply because his career averages set the bar so low. He's slashing .179/.276/.299 compared to his career .251/.320/.374 (am I the only one surprised by these anemic career numbers?). Wong needs a .282/.334/.406 the rest of the way to reach his career averages (again, not exact numbers). That matches closely with Joe Panik's 2017 season.

The deepest hole to dig out of belongs to Fowler. He's slashing .155/.274/.284 against a career .264/.363/.423. Fowler needs a .311/.401/.483 (disclaimer, see above) the rest of the season to approximate career averages. That's a monster season. For perspective, only two players with enough qualifying at bats last year topped a .401 OBP and that's Joey Votto and Mike Trout. Tommy Pham's monster 2017 is about as close as I can get to finding an approximation but even Pham comes up short at.281/.380/.493. Sure, it's possible Fowler could put up those numbers the rest of the season. Possible like me running into Charlize Theron in line at Chipotle.

Two Very Bad FA Signings

Greg Holland, he of the 15 walks in 12.1 innings with a WHIP (2.59) that looks more like an ERA (but sadly far short of his 8.76). I'm not even going to run the numbers on what it would take to turn his season around. Find a genie lamp, trap a leprechaun, lasso a unicorn all come to mind as possible fixes. Maybe looking at ghosts of Holland past in the upcoming intense video review will turn this strikeout Scrooge into the closer the Cards paid for.

I was decidedly on the side of Marcel Ozuna in the offseason Ozuna/Yellich debate. We needed a cleanup hitter damn it, not another doubles hitter. Well, my camp and I aren't looking so smart now with Yellich outslugging (.443 vs .331) and outhomering (5 vs 3) Ozuna. But Ozuna does lead in RBI (22 to 19) probably due to batting in the 4 spot. Will Ozuna look like the better signing by season's end? Don't go to sleep on his chances (Hey, I did avoid the Ozzzuna nonsense so that buys me one free bad pun pass).

One Injury Bug That Bites LH Relievers

With a nod to Yadi's ruptured testicle, the place the Cards can least afford injuries is to their lefties. They have just three lefty relievers in Brett Cecil, Tyler Lyons and Ryan Sheriff. All three have been on the DL this season and only one of the three (Cecil) has been effective. With all right handed starters, the Cardinals know they're going to see lineups loaded with lefties. I'm frequently reminded a pen with 2 or 3 effective lefties would be a useful thing when I see Votto, Bryant, Rizzo, Shaw and company a third time through the order. The Cards have depth everywhere except for left handed relievers so, short of a mid-season signing, the Cards will have to (dare I say it) limp along with three damaged lefties. So, when Yadi returns, will every at bat start with a one ball count?