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7.15.17 Cardinals @ Pirates Recap: Birds Win in Decisive Fashion 4-0

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In which a very special guest recapper gives us a very special recap of the Cardinals' win.

Lance Lynn helps himself. Somewhere, Adam Wainwright takes practice swings in the cages.
Lance Lynn helps himself. Somewhere, Adam Wainwright takes practice swings in the cages.
Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Hey everyone, dayman here pinch hitting on a recap. I’m new to this, so bear with me. I’m going to start out as a pseudo play-by-play…and we’ll see where that takes us. Hopefully I make Michael Lewis proud.

Matchup

Taillon: Fastball/Curve heavy with a Change worked in there on occasion.

Lynn: Fastball, a different Fastball, another different Fastball, and occasional show-me Not Fastballs.

We have Voit playing 1st, Carpenter at 2nd, and Wong on the bench versus a righty. Sierra called up but not in the stadium as of gametime.

Food of choice for me is Quad Cities Style Pizza (apparently this is a real thing, it even has a Wikipedia article!). Beverage of choice is Pseudo Sue from Toppling Goliath.

1st Inning

Carpenter and Pham single, but a Fowler GIDP turns what started out as an interesting inning suddenly is not. Gyorko looks pretty bad against the curve of Taillon and strikes out.

First batter and we get a review on a nice play by Gyorko. Overturned and the lately irritable Pittsburgh fans boo. Dan and Al make some jokes at the expense of a red bearded man between the umpires who apparently looks like he is from Game of Thrones. I find it highly unlikely either has watched Game of Thrones.

2nd & 3rd Inning

Cards go down in order. Nice double play gets Lynn out of a mini-jam. Lynn bats left handed and makes contact. Cards down in order again. Pirates go down in order. Both pitchers looking good so far.

4th Inning

Pham rips a double over the right fielders head. Fowler groundout moves Pham over, Gyorko looks scalds a liner through the tighter infield and the Cards are on the board. Gyorko pulls some shenanigans with Taillon, but then maybe gets a little too aggressive and gets doubled off on a flyout to right field(??).

Carpenter makes a throw like someone that is playing MVP 2005 for the first time and doesn’t understand what they are supposed to do on defense. Error. Bell follows up with a single and Lynn is yelling into his glove. Freese hits a grounder to Lynn, starting a nerve wracking double play that you were sure was going to end disastrously. But, somehow, it doesn’t. Flyout ends the inning.

5th Inning

Voit blasts one through Freese. Dejong Ks. Martinez Ks as well. Lynn, still left handed, cranks one into the left field gap. McCutchen misplays it and Voit chugs all the way around to score on Lynn’s double. Launch angle. Carpenter singles home Lynn, and things are getting fun. Carpenter follows up with a stolen base, which is immediately followed by a ripped double right down the line. 4-0 Cards. Pham now 3 for 3 with 2 Doubles. Taillon finally gets out of the inning, but that may be it for him tonight.

Lynn continues to hum along until back to back singles. Lynn at 73 pitches but is starting to labor, so we get a mound visit. An apparently pissed off Lynn goes 95-94-95-95-96 before baiting him into a soft flyout with a regular old 90 mph fastball. Threat over. They show a clip of Bowman running like a dinosaur next to a guy in a dinosaur suit.

In other baseball news, the NYY/BOS game is heading to the 14th inning.

6th Inning

Pitching change, Mariñez replaces Taillon. He gets a walk and strikeout in an interminable top half in which nothing really happened. Lynn pitches a very tidy bottom half, but the pitch count is getting up there. Still 4-0 Birdos.

7th Inning

Jose Martinez does some goofy shit while batting. He looks like an actor in a baseball movie that is trying to make the sport appear exciting. He runs off to first on ball 3 thinking he’s earned a walk. Then really did walk on the next pitch. Lefty Lynn drops a sacrifice bunt that is precariously close to getting Martinez thrown out, but gets the job done. Carpenter hits a worm burner on a pitch 3 inches off the ground to advance goofy Jose Martinez. Pham strikes out.

In other baseball, Bellinger just hit for the cycle and the Yankees/Redsox are now in the top of the 15th.

Cervelli double over the head of Martinez (likely catchable by a more nimble outfielder) and it feels unnecessary to keep Lynn out there. Mercer singles and one would hope that is it for Lynn. It is, and now we get some T-Rex pitching. Flyout and a walk puts the tying run at the plate. Bowman gets Harrison to flyout, and we all exhale.

8th Inning

I’m losing interest at this point, ready to start the wave if you guys are in. While I wasn’t paying attention the Cards went down quickly. Rosenthal is out there for a back-to-back appearance. Strikeout, groundout, strikeout and we are on to the 9th.

9th Inning

At this point I’m not paying attention, but the Cardinals went quietly in the top of the 9th.

Tyler Lyons is presumably pulled away from a modeling photoshoot to pitch the 9th. Double. Groundout. Lineout. Flyout. Winner winner chicken dinner.

Overall a pretty ho-hum game. Pham raked. Lynn pitched pretty well. Bullpen held it. Cards move to 44-46 on the season. Good bounce back from last night’s disappointment. Rubber match of the series tomorrow.

This will be my (dayman, not the person that posts this) last time writing for VEB and I do this at my own choosing. I was not fired by the site manager just in case you were wondering. I promise. Anyway…thanks for reading!