Attention: for a condensed audio recap, please visit here and press play. This condensed recap is a new feature I’m workshopping, and I would very much appreciate your input.

Pregame

So, tonight the Cardinals play the Rockies on the moon at Coors field. You know the Rockies. They hit a lot and pitch like crap, and every game at their home stadium turns into a football score. All because some butthead keeps stealing the air from the stadium, or something like that.

Except this year, they can also pitch, and not just a little. Despite the brightest arm in their rotation, Jon Gray, being down with some kind of foot fracture, their no-name rookies have all turned into Lance Lynn or better. The net result is that the Rockies are a legitimate contender in a year that everybody sort of pointed at them through the offseason, laughing halfheartedly and kind of scratching their heads before wondering how many gummies the team consumed on an average homestand. More fool, you. The Rockies are the winningest team in the NL to date, and we are past the quarter mark on the season.

Tonight’s wunderkind opponent Antonio Senzatela toes the rubber against our very own Carlos Martinez. Martinez is coming off an incredible start against the Giants where he got no run support and still almost won. Let’s hope he keeps rolling against old friend Mark Reynolds and company. Fun fact: Senzatela is from the same hometown as King Felix Hernandez, so apparently folks back home call him the Little Prince. See? I told you it was fun.

Oh yeah, one more thing. We begin play a game back of the Cubs for first in the division, and half a game behind the Brewers.

The Game

Offensive Efforts, Innings 1-8

There were none.

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Oh, you’re still here? Ok, but I wasn’t really exaggerating by much...

Senzatela faced the minimum through five, nixing singles from Dexter Fowler and Yadier Molina with fancy double play balls. Grichuk led off the sixth with a double and advanced on a Wong lineout to center, but got stranded when El Gallo K’d and Fowler grounded out. The seventh and eighth saw one-out singles by Carpenter and Pham erased in 6-4-3 double plays. So, 8 innings for Senzatela, 5 H, 3 K, 0 of everything that matters.

Run Prevention Allowance

Carlos looked really good, considering Coors. His first two innings were uneventful, as he faced the minimum thanks to a DJ LeMahieu GIDP in the first and an Ian Desmond strikeout. Tony Wolters walked in the third though, and Charlie Blackmon just had to hit a triple to drive him around. The fourth looked about as bad, with Nolan Arenado doubling to lead off the inning and old friend Mark Reynolds driving him in. Carlos only got in a bit of inconsequential trouble from that point until the eighth, where he served up a middle-middle 95 mph four-seamer to Blackmon, who tore the cover off the ball. This ended Martinez’s night with 7.1 IP, 9 K, 6 H, 2 BB, 3 ER. 3-0 Bad Guys.

Matt Bowman took the mound for CMart. His first pitch became a single for DJ Lemahieu, and his seventh pitch became a Nolan Arenado Lazer Beam RBI Double. Bowman buckled down and struck out Carlos Gonzalez (who is struggling this year) on three straight pitches. Alas, Bowman should’ve just walked Mark Reynolds after serving him up three quick balls, as after throwing a 90 mph get-me-over fastball to dormant Mark, Bowman hung another 90 mph get-me-over fasball which Mark crushed. Bowman’s night came to an unceremonious end, 5-0 Bad Guys.

Socolovich came in to eat up the rest of what was sure to be the last inning. Ian Desmond hit a bloop that Fowler couldn’t get to, because Coors Field is 45 acres and outfielders have to play really deep to protect the large field. So of course Trevor Story rocketed the second pitch he saw over Fowler’s head and you know what? This game is stupid. The Rockies kept hitting, and the Cardinals played like little leaguers, complete with dropped tags at home plate, 5 changeups in a row to Gerardo Parra, and probably people running into each other and running from home to third before their parents’ shouting caught their attention and they turned around. Finally Randal Grichuk put us out of our misery with a diving catch to rob DJ LeMahieu of his second hit of the inning. 10-0 Rockies.

Offensive Effort, 9th inning.

3 Up, 3 Down, even with resident lucky charm Eric Fryer taking a pinch hit. Rockies win, 10-0.

Post-Game

I’d just like to note one thing. Senzatela was fine, but he was not great. He lacks great stuff, velocity, selection, deception, or anything else you’d expect from a guy who absolutely baffled the Cardinals lineup. Oh well!

Can’t win em all, and sometimes you can’t seem to win anything. See you tomorrow! Adam Wainwright takes on another Rockies kid, Kyle Freeland at 8:10 PM CDT.