Base Balling Snacx: A Crying Grocery List

The people have spoken. Inspiration was strong for today's writewords. Twitter user "Mr. Dogbun" sent me fifteen individual Direct Messages requesting i write a VEB fanpost about my favorite snacks. I couldn't not write the stuff, everyone.

Yesterday I made my bi-weekly grocery run to the Schnuck's down the road. They've had some bad news coverage lately for being antiUnion and also encouraging confederate soldiers to sleep in the restrooms, but it's the closest place that sells everything I need and doesn't require a cover charge. On I went. But before that, I made a grocery list.

-Ginger root

-Mahi mahi

-Tootsie rolls

-Whole peppercorns

-Taco seasoning



-Non-ripe bananas

-Baking soda


I can make a lot of quality snacx with this list of items. Of course I will need to lean on some of the staples I keep around the house (stale bread, yogurt, honey, ketchup and Bourbon), but Schnuck's is never my primary shopping place anyway.


Recipe 1: Banana Pepper

Upon returning from the store, toss the bananas in the freezer. Once down to temperature, struggle to peel them because you forgot to pre-peel them before freezing them. Once peeled, roll them on a dinner plate full of honey. Place whole peppercorns in a small ziplock bag and pulverize them with the nearest blunt object- I usually use a lamp or a shoe- crushing them into tiny bits. Finally, sprinkle the Honey'd Banana with peppercorn bits. Enjoy with a glass of water.


Recipe 2: Saucy Fishbites

Defrost the Mahi Mahi if frozen. (Best when purchased fresh and left in the fridge for about two weeks, though.) Pre-heat over to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Coat both sides of the Mahi Mahi with taco seasoning. Bake in a large cast iron pan for 20-22 minutes, flipping about half way through. Coat with yogurt and ketchup and enjoy. It's a hearty snack, so you can spread it across a few days if you think that's a good idea. Your call. Best served with lemon water.


Recipe 3: Ocean of Joy

Unsheathe the entire bag of tootsie rolls. Begin toasting stale bread in a toaster. Microwave the tootsie rolls on high for 20-30 seconds. Should become pasty and bubbly. While toasting and microwaving, chop the ginger root with a knife. (Note: Do not wash the ginger, it will lose its healing power.) When the toast is toast, quickly spread the molten tootsie rolls across the toast with a butterknife. Don't go lazy here: It will be tough to spread the rolls, but rewarding. When you've got a mound of paste going on the bread, sprinkle on the ginger root chunks. Dig in. Don''t eat it with a fork if you want to retain your dignity. Best served with a glass of warm Bourbon.


Recipe 4: Victory International

Thinly chop about 1 c. of watermelon. Place in a pint glass. Add four oz. of Hydrogen Peroxide. Drop in a shot glass half filled with Baking Soda. Drink it like any drop shot you enjoy at whatever shitty bar you frequent. Best served with pretzels.


The bandaids were just in case I cut myself shaving this week.