As everyone is aware, the Cardinals were involved in a scandalous scandal. This is a very serious story that will ultimately lead to someone doing serious jail time for a federal crime, most likely. That does not mean it is not the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. It just has so many levels of absurdity.
The Cardinals are involved. This fact alone is enough to break the Internet.
There was a serious, go to federal-prison-for-a-long-time crime committed, all for... baseball?
Except it seemingly was not even about baseball! It is looking incredibly likely that this crime was committed by someone with an ax to grind over some perceived or maybe even real slight.
Oh yeah, and the target of the revenge? The general manager of the Astros, Jeff Luhnow who used to work for the Cardinals from 2003 to 2011.
And how exactly was the revenge exacted? Oh just your standard, run-of-the-mill corporate espionage. Someone hacked into the Astros supercomputer and leaked a bunch of stuff from it.
And by hack, I really mean they just kind of guessed the password.
And why was all this revenge necessary? That we do not yet know, but if is anything short of a spurned ex-lover, frankly, I will be disappointed.
Because this story is like, the weirdest thing ever, it our duty to recognize the weirdness (while also understanding that is still very serious, of course). Here is a collection of memes and tweets from around the web.
You get to win the 2005 NLCS, we get access to your proprietary data. That's just standard business. #stlcards— alex fritz (@boxcar_fritz) June 16, 2015
The Astros knew. They hacked Matt Holliday in retaliation. pic.twitter.com/YjlrBwcptG— Keely (@keelynstl) June 16, 2015
Not saying he’s guilty, but he’s definitely a person of interest. pic.twitter.com/HqNFzeOlvi— Matt Sebek (@MattSebek) June 16, 2015
Pete Kozma is in the starting lineup tonight. Damn, the FBI's punishment for hacking the Astros was quick AND stiff.— Matt Sebek (@MattSebek) June 17, 2015
The Cardinals will post all the hacked documents on WachaLeaks.— Steve Rushin (@SteveRushin) June 16, 2015
You can't spell "BFIB" without "FBI". https://t.co/1gd6g4lBT4— Rany Jazayerli (@jazayerli) June 16, 2015
*clears throat* In MY day, to break into a MLB office you needed a rope, grapple, two bullyboys, a fine blade, and a bribed policeman.— Old Hoss Radbourn (@OldHossRadbourn) June 16, 2015
But it's bad. However I can't help but finding most sports scandals hilarious except when it involves murder, assault or concussions. (3/3)— Aaron Finkel (@Aaron_Finkel) June 16, 2015
You can check it all out here: St. Louis Cardinals FBI Investigation
Now, some quick other links:
- Prince Fielder belly flop. - Cut4
- Position players pitching. - Cut4
- Kris Bryant hits a grand slam. - MLB
- So does Todd Frazier. - MLB
- Super cute softball picture. - Cute4
- Curious All Star selections. - Sports on Earth
- Hacking the All Star Voting. - Bless You Boys
- Oooorrrr not. - Sporting News
- Baseball is ready for an openly gay player. - Fangraphs
- Pablo Sandoval was benched for using Instagram in the bathroom during a game. - Over the Monster
- NL Central Standings:
St. Louis Cardinals 43 23 .652 Pittsburgh Pirates 39 27 .591 Chicago Cubs 35 29 .547 Cincinnati Reds 30 35 .462 Milwaukee Brewers 24 44 .353
- A look at Randal Grichuk by bmarkham. - Viva el Birdos
- A scouting report on Rob Kaminsky. - Baseball Prospectus
|Monday, June 15||Twins||2||Cardinals||3||TT Recap||VEB Recap|
|Tuesday, June 16||Twins||2||Cardinals||3||TT Recap||VEB Recap|
|Wednesday, June 17||Cardinals||1||Twins||3||VEB Recap||TT Recap|
|Thursday, June 18||Cardinals||1||Twins||2||VEB Recap||TT Recap|
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