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AP Caption Corrections for the first half of the Cardinals' season

The caption on this photograph is incorrect. Placido Polanco does not, nor has he ever played for the Philadelphia Racists, as previously suggested. Carlos Beltran of the New York Mets (15) is not trying to strangle Polanco, and Troy Tulowitzki's disdainful stance cannot be construed in this instance as criminal negligence. The AP apologizes for any inconvenience stemming directly or indirectly from its captioner's suggestion that Polanco was "asking for it, like most [Philadelphians]" after their photo session for the MLB All-Star baseball game Tuesday, July 12, 2011, in Phoenix.

The AP has issues some additional CAPTION CORRECTIONS from the first half of the Major League Baseball season, as follows. All incorrect captions should be wrapped in plastic while wearing gloves, and NEVER VACUUMED.

  • The caption of the May 1 photo showing David Freese (23) catching a line drive while standing at third base in Busch Stadium in St. Louis, Missouri, should not have suggested that "[Freese's] leg problems are finally a thing of the past, and he can now be reliably expected not to force the Cardinals to trade someone for the opportunity to pay Pedro Feliz," or implied that the Cardinals could just play Albert Pujols there "if he missed an extended period of time, anyway, which he won't."
  • The caption of the March 31 photo picturing Albert Pujols (5) of the Cardinals staring across a distinctly American vista as the sun set over Jupiter, Florida, should not have read, in its entirety, "THIS GUY (5), BRO, OF THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS—THEY COULDN'T WIN MY ATTENTION WITHOUT HIM, ANY DAY, 2011, IN THE AP CAPTIONING AND SLAG WORKS, CHONGJIN." A more accurate caption follows.

"Albert Pujols (5), of the St. Louis Cardinals, stares across a singularly American vista as the sun sets over Jupiter, Florida. Pujols operating at his full capacity is the difference between the St. Louis Cardinals, of St. Louis, Missouri, winning the National League Central going away with the aid of suspiciously brilliant seasons from the rest of the offense and the Cardinals more or less matching the Milwaukee Brewers, of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and the Cincinnati Reds, of Cincinnati, Ohio, step for step with the aid of suspiciously brilliant seasons from the rest of the offense, which is number one in OPS, somehow, which someone should probably be worried about, I guess, July 15, 2011, in the AP Captioning and Slag Works, Chongjin." The man responsible for the earlier caption and his bro have both been reassigned to the slag works.

  • The caption of every photo of San Diego Padres pitcher Heath Bell between May 1 and July 15 should not have labeled his team as "The St. Louis Cardinals, probably," and public editors and ombudsmen should run a caption noting that, while the AP is loath to offer analysis and opinion, even to bloggers who are really busy on Friday, the members of the Cardinals bullpen, near the bleachers, St. Louis, Missouri, seem least likely to require assistance, given the recent struggles of the rotation and the suspiciously brilliant season of the offense, in the dugout, St. Louis, Missouri. 
  • The paragraph above should have noted that the blogger is super busy.
  • The caption editor, the AP Captioning and Slag Works, Chongjin, notes that readers should be suspicious of interstitial comments purporting to explain or rationalize the behavior of writers and institutions publishing these corrections.
  • Damn it no he doesn't
  • The caption beneath the photo of Colby Rasmus and Tony La Russa high-fiving, the photo of Tony La Russa and Scott Rolen pointing at each other and laughingly mouthing, "This guy!", the photo of Tony La Russa and J.D. Drew sharing a Big Gulp on a hilarious road trip, the photo of Jason Isringhausen leading the Busch Memorial Stadium fans in St. Louis, Missouri, in a rendition of "Who Let The Dogs Out", the photo of the Baha Men singing "Who Let The Dogs Out", the photo of people thinking Charlie Sheen's behavior was kind of cute, and the portrait of people laughing at Marie Antoinette's hilarious joke about cake, should read: "It looks like people are finally over that personality dispute we were all worried about, so long as they don't stop performing at such an obviously high level for a month." Please adjust as necessary.