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The Houston Astros: An Ogden Nash about awfulness

Hunter Pence
needs a kick in the vence

If the Cubs look like a team about a year away from doing some frightening things with their young players and a lot of freed-up money, the Houston Astros look like a team that doesn't realize it should be doing that. The Astros' youngest starter last season, erstwhile AAAA slugger Chris Johnson, only earned his spot last season because Pedro Feliz proved too bad for even the Astros to deal with; their most consistent hitter, Hunter Pence, reminds me of nobody so much as Ryan Ludwick, minus 2008. 

Johnson's only nominally a third baseman, and Hunter Pence is only a franchise player inasmuch as nobody else was both effective and around the whole season. Even the good news—Brett Wallace will start—is soured by an ugly veteran note—Wallace's emergence scratched their planned move of Carlos Lee to first, which means El Caballo be back in left field, where he's racked up -31 TZ runs in the last two seasons. 

On a logistical note, Bud Norris has a Twitter, which means that you should avoid trying to use the #stlcards hashtag on nights when he starts.