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I'm looking for a Roy Oswalt news bumper that's as catchy as "Crisis in Kosovo"

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I can assure you that as of 2:30 AM Friday morning, while I am submitting this story, Roy Oswalt is not a member of the Cardinals. He's not even kind of a member of the Cardinals. He's a Cardinals fan, apparently

In search of an impact arm, the Cardinals are exploring the possibility of trading for Houston Astros ace Roy Oswalt, and their chances are helped by the fact that Oswalt, a longtime rival, also has eyes for them.

The Cardinals are Oswalt's "first choice," according to a league executive with knowledge of what Houston told an interested team other than the Cardinals. At least one team that has spoken to Houston about the righthander has been told that Oswalt, who can veto any trade, expressed a preference for the Cardinals over the other contending teams he may consider.

but then, so am I. According to a managing editor with knowledge of the 2007 St. Louis Cardinals calendar that's pinned to my wall over the TV—it's set to May, Jim Edmonds's month, what of it—the Cardinals are Dan Moore's "first choice", though as I might still be draft eligible I'm not sure if I have as much flexibility as Mr. Oswalt. 

Regardless of all these things the awkward facts of the situation still exist: He's very expensive, the Cardinals have to pay Albert Pujols, and Shelby Miller, their best prospect, is a player whose upside, slim as the odds may be, amounts to filling the exact spot they find empty right now. Oswalt can give up on the $16 million option in 2012, and apparently he has; beyond that, no amount of intrigue, no unimpeachable report that Roy Oswalt and John Mozeliak were seen coming out of the Galleria talking about Inception can make this deal less difficult for the Cardinals to swallow.

If Bill DeWitt can make it work, because it comes down to Bill DeWitt basically saying, "$120 million? Well, you kids have been awfully good this year," that's great. It'd be a delight to see Roy Oswalt in a Cardinals uniform, and he'd be an asset, though certainly an expensive one, for the year and a half he'd be around. But even if the Cardinals can use Shelby Miller to get Houston to hold onto some of the salary they've been trying to dump, they'll be spending that money again on a fourth starter in 2013. 

As for people who do play for the Cardinals—that was a rough game, but sometimes Cole Hamels actually pitches like Cole Hamels, and there's not much to be done when it happens. Not hitting is boring; the Cardinals will not go 1-33 tomorrow, and there's nothing to be gained from proceeding as though they will.

And the fixable problems the Cardinals did encounter—Aaron Miles's successful attempts to shorten Adam Wainwright's outing by proving that he can't play second base, most notably, and Ryan Ludwick's continued absence—were nullified in the course of the game itself; Wainwright got out of his jams anyway, though he probably could have gone another inning without them, and Ludwick went 0-4 with two strikeouts against Louis Coleman anyway. (He's still hitting .333/.273/.1.111 for this rehab stint, so don't worry about it.)

As for what the people who do play for the Cardinals will be up to tomorrow, the things that threaten the Cardinals' launch of a new winning streak, among them Jeff Suppan, would be offset by a struggling Cubs team except that this month they appear to have put the brakes on that slide; they're playing basically even baseball in July, and Aramis Ramirez is hitting .369/.400/.892 in July after two months of Einar Diaz-ian incompetence. 

Provided this isn't the beginning of a 2006-style deflationary-expectations-spiral, it's almost a relief that the winning streak is over; it's pulled us back from a really depressing ledge, and now we don't have to worry about whether they're going to keep it up every night for the foreseeable future. Having taken the NL Central lead, the Cardinals can get down to the Tony La Russian business of winning each series.