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breaking news from The Onion

america's finest news source, The Onion, reports on anthony reyes' eager attempts to ingratiate himself with The Big Pu:

"His first day with the club, he told Albert that he was his idol, and that he always wanted to be a first-baseman, and then offered to clean out Albert's locker," said centerfielder Jim Edmonds, whom other Cardinals suspect may just be angry that none of the rookies ever care about endearing themselves to him. "He's always loudly applauding routine ground balls that Albert fields at first base, and after every one of Albert's at-bats, there's Ant with a cup of his favorite Gatorade flavor, a handful of sunflower seeds, and a moist towel."
the poor kid would prob'y have to be included in any trade for jason schmidt, an unlikely transaction about which some of us were wet-dreaming this morning. the same notion (ie, a schmidt trade) had SB Nation brother blogger McCovey Chronicles crapping his pants. he says he would rather lose an ear in a knife fight at a finnish brothel than see schmidt dealt. but he's clearly worried about the possibility . . . . of the trade, i mean. McCovey Chronicler doesn't even carry a knife . . . .

hey, look who's ended up back in the nl central. yan but not forgotten . . . .

in case you hadn't noticed, encarnacion had a pretty good month in may -- .809 ops. see danup for the details.