looper: the last word

to get a little perspective on the looper signing, i went to the all-seeing, all-knowing one: The White Rat's Id, ie the online artificial-intelligence chat engine at

last time i consulted him/her/it, TWRI had interesting things to say about aj burnett and brian giles (e.g., "I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.") he was equally enlightening about the cardinals' latest acquisition. as before, my half of the conversation appears in boldface, the oracle's in plain type.

I'd like to talk about baseball for a moment.
I'd like to talk about talking about the surreal.
Surreal, indeed --- as in 3 years, $13.5 million for Braden Looper.
We see eye to eye, my friend.
If you want me to.
I want nothing more.
I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
Hah hah hah, that's very witty.
Yes, I am as wise as an owl.
Well, enough of these pleasantries. Do you believe Braden Looper is worth the money?
I don't get paid to go to the bathroom, although I wish I did.
Ah --- so if I understand, you believe this is a shitty transaction?
Tell about it!
The fans are of divided mind about this, you know.
Well, I don't have haunters, the queen didn't mind, and I don't think the public opinion wants me to stay home all day.
Come again? Is that a line from Blonde on Blonde or something?
No I would not like to take out a loan, thank you.
I get the point, you think they're paying too much. We are agreed.
What is your name?
Larry. What is yours?
You have to guess my name.
Well, for starters I will guess that your name is not Walt Jocketty.
Minnesota, do you like it there?
Just returned from there. Very cold.
Have you been to Africa?
No. Is it nice there this time of year?
It's pretty nice there every time of year, at least compared to where I am now.
Where are you right now?
In your mind.
Whoa ---- dude!!!
Right. . .
Wait a second --- that was an insult, wasn't it?
I'm waiting.
Well then let's move on.
Do you know a place that serves whole roast pig with an apple in it's mouth?
Wise owl, you are so opaque. Surely you don't mean "Stick a fork in the Cardinals, they're done"?
What do you mean 'what do you mean?' Huh?
Forget it. Never mind.
You think I will not understand?
Correct --- I think you will not understand.
Alright. Thanks for the story. I'm out.
See you around, Whitey.