To be honest, I liked being confused about the St. Louis Cardinals considerably more when that confusion stemmed from Pete Kozma getting a bunch of hits than I do now that it involves Barry Zito throwing 102 scoreless pitches without topping 84 miles per hour on the radar gun. The Great Abrupt Move of 2013 has us presently stranded in Frisco, Colorado after what may or may not have really been a snowstorm, so I missed the game; looking at the box score last night I don't feel so bad about that.
Of course there's plenty of time for the Cardinals to disappoint us against Ryan Vogelsong this afternoon, but right now I'll feel much worse about missing Shelby Miller's first start of the season. Since we're three hours behind schedule—not even in Blanding, yet!—that's where I have to leave you. Please hyperfocus on Shelby Miller's fastball velocity without me.