Presented here with some commentary is the VEB All Vitrol Team. This list is based on VEB comments and not on actual performance.
Manager: Obviously TLR. While I could never understand why a hot reliever could not pitch more than one inning, I feel much of the criticism of him is overblown or not deserved. His disputes with players were often caused by the players, and he did win (and lose) a bunch of games. Nevertheless, he is the winner because no one can remember the last manager. Matheny could overtake him by June.
Starting pitchers; Probably Loshe and Westbrook, with an honorable mention for Mulder. Almost any of the Cards fifth starters could qualify for this award( I almost included Marquis). Loshe should have known he was going to be hit by a pitch before he signed, and Mulder should have known that his arm would fall off. Both Loshe and Westbrook could could redeem themselves this year, but someone will still point out that the Loshe contract was a bad deal even he he pitches two no hitters, makes the All-Star team, and again leads the team in ERA.
Relief pitchers:Boggs and McClennan. The guys who are gone from early last year do not qualify because they deserved what they got(except for Franklin, who was good for a while.). Both of these guys could do better this year, but they will have to be stellar to get off the list.
First Base: Nick Stavinoha. Although he played only 3 games at first, no one else currently qualifies. If DEDE keeps talking, this could change. Stav had to make the list some where, so I chose first.
Second Base: All of the above, although I chose Aaron Miles because managers everywhere see something in him that VEB does not.
Shortstop: Theriot. The most obvious and most deserving. I remember listening on the radio last year and thinking how hard it would have been to be a Cardinal pitcher when the shortstop could not catch or throw. His stumbling video cinched the deal for him.
Third Base: Thurston. Again, deserved and obvious.
Outfield: Shumaker and Patterson. Shu makes it here, because Miles barely beat him out at second, and Shu had to be on the team somewhere. An appearance in the lineup just today set off a few people. If Matheny learns to love him, will his position be reconsidered? Patterson needs no discussion.
Catcher:No nominee. Since there is a new backup every year, and since the backup never plays, I could not think of a candidate. However, an injury to the starter could make him qualify if we harp on how we overpaid.
Announcer: Habrowsky. Since I do not live in St Louis, I never get to hear him, but from others comments he seems to be the clear winner.
Reporter: Again, Strauss, but I do not get to read him on a daily basis. His quoted tweets do seem weird.
So there you have it. We all love the Cards, but hate these guys.