Albert Pujols and his poor PR approach

I wrote a blog post for my PR class and thought some of you might be interested. A lot of it has boring stuff (at least, to us VEBers - because not everyone in my class is a baseball fan or knows a lot about the game), but it might bring up some interesting discussion.

Feel free to comment or add constructive criticism on here.

26 days ago zoomzoomj88 3 comments 0 recs |

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surface-error free, and that's a very good thing

the first tip I would give you is to edit (especially paragraph by paragraph) looking for “pizza, pizza.” That is, clear up using the same word too often in the same paragraph, when synonyms are readily available.
Best example: Paragraph 4 uses the word “deal” I think three times; moreover one ‘deal’ refers to a TV contract that a team enjoys, and another (actually two) ‘deal’ in reference Albert’s salary arrangement. Using a synonym, or a different phrase, for one or maybe even two of these "deal"s would keep that paragraph fresher sounding as a narrative.
Note: this clean-up, jazz-up technique is very hard to impossible to do while drafting; so continue to just let the ideas flow as they will in a first draft. But “pizza, pizza” can be spotted during a second or third look-over.. And it helps, tho’ subtly, the overall flow.
Nice work

by the Tewk on Jan 28, 2012 9:14 PM EST reply actions

Definitely watch out for "pizza, pizza"

Although I must say that I am paranoid about crap like that and would obsess about it on the first draft.

I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of forests. Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. - Calvin, Scientific Progress Goes "Boink", Watterson

by Solanus on Jan 28, 2012 11:00 PM EST up reply actions

i'm usually pretty good at catching that...

but i tried to find alternatives that stayed with the message and couldn’t really find any i liked. besides, i had enough trouble trying to stay unbiased and everything else… so that was at the least of my worries.

thanks for the compliment though.

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by zoomzoomj88 on Jan 31, 2012 12:17 PM EST up reply actions