Fritz: Choose Your Own Adventure #1: Cardinals Vs. Reds

It is the top of the first inning at Busch Stadium, on Saturday April 23rd. Cincinnati Red Drew Stubbs has grounded to Cardinals second baseman Nick Punto for the first out.

Chris Carpenter faces Brandon Phillips. Would you like Chris Carpenter to:

1) Hit Brandon Phillips with the first pitch? Turn to Page 48
2) Hit Brandon Phillips with the second pitch? Turn to Page 72
3) Strike Brandon Phillips out. Turn to Page 19

about 1 year ago DanUpBaby 9 comments 7 recs |

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Somehow all of the above.

by LandSickness on Apr 22, 2011 5:24 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs

In Soviet Russia, dysentery dies of you!

http://fuckyeahnouns.com/alex%20fritz

by hazel on Apr 22, 2011 5:38 PM EDT reply actions

I wouldn’t plunk BP, you’re just giving the egomaniac the attention he craves. The bad thing is BP will get booed at all the games, and I say that’s a bad thing because once again, you’re giving the bastard what he wants.

Just remember that it’s funny this is called a rivalry, I was under the assumption that for something to truly be a rivalry there had to be some deep history, not a douchemonger with a big head talking trash.

I implore you all to read this article from last year courtesy of punchingkitty.

My favorite line:

Jesus christ…lets get something straight, hitting a career .268 with an .317 OBP doesn’t make you a star worthy of blowing off reporters and talking this level of trash, it makes you barely average. Don’t forget dipshit that your career was pretty much over when the Indians gave up on you, trading you to the Reds for a bag of balls and a fungo bat, probably because your an ass-wipe, but also because you were supposed to be good, but managed to piss away your talent in to being a league-average player and an All-Star bitch.

Follow me on twitter: @SphericalPuma

by CarpIsMyManCrush on Apr 22, 2011 6:15 PM EDT reply actions

That line pretty much sums up my feelings about Brandon Phillips.

Don’t give the prick the satisfaction. Ignore him and hurt him where it hurts the most…by beating the shit out of the Reds.

by RollBirdsRoll on Apr 22, 2011 6:25 PM EDT up reply actions

Going to venture

That the Reds losing would hurt him less than being really truly wholly ignored. Which is a pretty raw thing to say about a professional baseball player, but I’m going there.

Is John Mabry still on the roster?

by zack3315 on Apr 22, 2011 6:33 PM EDT up reply actions

You're probably right

by RollBirdsRoll on Apr 22, 2011 6:49 PM EDT up reply actions

otoh,

even though us booing phillips is exactly what he wants, me booing him is exactly what I want. i love to boo a d-bag, and it feels good to do it. win-win, as far as i’m concerned.

"Bob Gibson pitches as though he's double parked."~Vin Scully

by threadkiller on Apr 23, 2011 10:36 PM EDT up reply actions