So Jim Edmonds just signed a minor league contract, which is good news regardless in the wake of Walt Jocketty's suggestion that he was on the verge of retirement. But it happens to be with the Cardinals, and now I don't know what to do with myself. Do I—do I start a parade? Is there a parade I can join?
I don't know whether he'll make the team or not—as everyone excited by this news has already considered, the Cardinals happen to have two young, cheap reserve outfielders on the 25-man roster already, along with a power-hitting, fragile left-handed right fielder—but Edmonds finished last season with an OPS+ of 127, so this isn't strictly a feel-good invite. If he were joining some other team he'd probably have a shot at the big end of a corner-outfield platoon.
Joining this team, he has a chance to push Jon Jay out of a job he's probably earned. But he's Jim Edmonds, he slugged .504 last year—.504! he was 40 and he hadn't played in a year!—and with the Boog and Bombs show off the roster entirely I need somebody around for which I can root completely irrationally. Maybe the Cardinals can trade Jay for Ryan and the rights to sign Albert Pujols to an incredibly expensive five-year contract, and then I can ride off into the sunset forever.