Cardinals 2011: The Album

The magical season is over, and the St. Louis Cardinals are World Champs! To  commemorate this historic year, Viva El Birdos is proud to present Cardinals 2011: The Album! This concept album channels a collection of classic hits from a baseball roller coaster ride of a year and brings you back to those cherished memories with the unforgettable songs you love! Call now to order and you can reserve a copy of the upcoming Cardinals 2011: Volume III at no extra cost!

Track Listing and Lyrics

St. Louis by mattybobo (inspired by Atlantis by Donovan)

(Spoken)
The city of St. Louis was a baseball team which lay before the 2011 season in the area we now call the Midwest.
So great its area of fans, that from her radio stations those beautiful games were heard to the North in Iowa and Indiana, and to the South from Arkansas to Mississippi with ease.
To the East, Kentucky and Tennesee are like neighbors, and the great divisions of the West are but remnants of the Cardinals' fanbase. 
The ante-divisional Cards charmed the nation, all the Cards who played in the mythological seasons, in all baseball in all lands they knew fair St. Louis.
Not knowing their fate, the Cardinals sent out a roster for its 2011 season. 
On it were the 25: The Machine, The Berk, The Lego, The Carpenter, The Yadi, and the other soon-to-be champs of our legend.
Though champs they were--and as the fans of our time chose to remain blind let us rejoice and let us sing and dance and ring in the new ring.
Hail St. Louis!

Way down the Mississippi, where I wanna be they may be
Way down the Mississippi, where I wanna be they may be
Way down the Mississippi, where I wanna be they may be
Way down the Mississippi, where I wanna be they may be
(My unlikely trophy, oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I wanna see you some day)

(Repeat, fade out)

Tangled Up In Red by Gob Dylan (inspired by Tangled Up In Blue by Bob Dylan)

Early one April the games were starting, I was sitting at home
Wondering how our year would go, reading internets on Chrome
Most folks, they said our competition sure was gonna be tough
They sure didn't know how our pitching would go, and our defense wasn't good enough
And I was watching the season start, hope still filled my head
Loading up the VEB, and seeing what was said, in the thread
Tangled up in red

Albert was always our team's best, always such a force
We had him on a friendly contract, yes, and the years had run their course
We rode his bat as far as we could, his hitting had gone cold
People were saying all over the place that he was finally gettin' old
Would he turn around and pick it up as April turned into May?
In spite of him, we started to win with Berkman and Holliday, to lessen the dread
Tangled up in red

The season hit some awful times and chances didn't look ripe
We thought it wasn't our year after all and the team wasn't worth the hype
Albert was better but not the same, and Adam's injury...
Baseball can break your heart just like that quote from Giamatti
And every one of his words rang true and burned like all my fears
It's time to play the prospects now, this year just ain't our year, or so we said
Tangled up in red

So now I fall in love again, this team won it all somehow
All those things I used to think, they seem so far away now
Some was rational thinking, some was just being sore
Don't know how it all got started, I don't know how we got off the floor
But me, I still barely believe, I barely trust my eyes
After all the moans and groans a team could really rise, the walking dead
Tangled up in red

(Harmonica solo)

We Get Caught Stealing by Game's Addiction (inspired by Been Caught Stealing by Jane's Addiction)

We get caught stealing, lots, because we're slow
We better take some walks, it's just as simple as that
Well it's... just a... simple stat
When we want a base and we don't want to hit for it.

And we walk right to first base, walk right to first base
Our offense knows, that it is slow, but it get runs
So many runs!

Yeah, Lance, now, he knows too. He's gonna go to work
But he can't always Berk, so he gets it for free
And he... does it... just like that
When he wants a base and he don't want to hit for it.

Punto ain't no Miles, and there's Albert and Matt
And then there's Razz, and it just ain't fair
Cause we... take walks... just like that
When we want a base and we don't want to hit for it

We walk right to first base, walk right to first base
Yeah we know that we're slow, but we get
Runs, runs, runs, runs, runs, runs runs...(etc)

We get runs

Midwestern Wood (This Bird Has Flown) by The Rui-tles (inspired by Norwegian Wood by The Beatles)

I once had a team, or should I say, they once had me
They gave me a job, and I swung good Midwestern wood

They asked me to play and they told me that I did just fine
But sometimes I scuffled and ended up riding the pine

I clashed with my boss, rumors would fly as time went by
When asked on TV, Mo always said, "put that to bed."

They told me I'm traded one morning and then we shook hands
I'm off to play baseball in some far-off, cold, distant land

And when they announced, it was all known, this bird had flown
So I grabbed my bat, isn't it good Canadian wood?

New Jay Way by The Rui-tles (inspired by Blue Jay Way by The Beatles)

There was news that broke today
And my friend has lost his way
"Yeah, they traded me," he said
And promoted me instead

Please don't be wrong, please don't you be very wrong
Please don't be wrong, I might regress, we'll see

Well it only goes to show
In this game you never know
Until all has been revealed
Now I'm starting centerfield

Please don't be wrong, please don't you be very wrong
Please don't be wrong, I might regress, we'll see

Now it's past the time, I know
To worry how it all will go
Now my friend is a Blue Jay
And it's time for new Jay way

(Repeat chorus in trippy fashion)

St. Louis, 2011 by Neutral Milk Dotel (Inspired by Holland 1945 by Neutral Milk Hotel)

Two, one two three four

The only girl he ever loved told him to throw fastballs thigh-high
But now he's traded for some guy who only debuted in '09, Dave Duncan on whom to rely
Along with Edwin and Corey, and one who sounds like "Zep-chin-ski"
Now he's a ROOGY in the Lou, too late to be part of the stew
Sometimes sent out against southpaws, for which there really is no cause

But now we will need most every piece
Of the trade we used to hate
Just to keep our team alive enough to carry on

And now we'll ride this circus team with playoffs no more in our sight
And now our bullpen will surprise, and we will start to win the games while gaining ground upon the Braves
Our chance looks better all the time and maybe I would bet a dime
You don't think Albert's gonna hit? You think Kyle Lohse forgot to pitch?
We're chasing rings but we don't know just how far this year's team will go

Now we will need most every piece
Of the trade we used to hate
Just to keep our team alive enough to carry on

And here's where we get some sweeps, and there's where Marmol's throw allowed us to score
Carpenter speaks in bleeps, we thought we were done but we don't anymore

We'll be glad to see the world agree that we earned all that confetti in the sky
All while it's hard for us to keep believin' our eyes

You Never Even Learned To Spell My Name performed by David Allen Craig (inspired by You Never Even Call Me By My Name by David Allan Coe)

Well it was all that I could do to keep on pitchin'
Sometimes I don't care how I'm in the game
You don't have to have me startin' (star-tin')
You never even learned to spell my name

I know you can spell out Smith or Sutter (hello, hello)
But you can't spell Hrabosky to this day
You barely learned to write out Isringhausen, (long ago)
Hell, my name is tough to even say!

And I'll hang around the roster if you'll let me
And I know that I'm a LOOGY in this game
But you don't have to have me startin' (star-tin')
You never even learned to spell my name

Well I've heard my name a few times in the recaps
And I've heard my name announced when I come play
But the only time I'll see that it's spelled out properly
Is when Jesus writes the lineup for the day

So I'll hang around the roster if you'll let me
And I know that i'm LOOGY in this game
But you don't have to have me startin' (star-tin')
You never even learned to spell my name

(Spoken) Well, a friend of mine named Marc Zep-chin-ski wrote this song, and he told me that it was the perfect Cardinals and Baseball song. I wrote him back a letter and I told him it was not the perfect Cardinals and Baseball song, because he hadn't said anything at all about drama, or Mangs, or luck, or stealin', or gettin' caught. Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to this song and he sent it to me, and after reading it I realized that my friend had written the perfect Cardinals and Baseball song, and I felt obliged to include it on this album. The last verse goes like this here...

Well I was pumped when I got on in the World Series
And I saw a hit and run call from the Mang
But before I could get my self to second base
I got thrown out by the Napoli gang

And I'll hang around the roster if you'll let me
And I know that I'm a LOOGY this game, ohh
You don't have to have me startin' (star-tin')
You never even learned it
No matter how much I yearned it
Why won't you ever learn to spell my name

Grounding Out Softly To Shortstop (Cover) by Rescue Foundation All-Stars (Inspired by Killing Me Softly With His Song by Roberta Flack, covered by The Fugees)

Grounding out softly to shortstop
Throwing too low for Albert
Grounding out softly to shortstop
Grounding out softly, to shortstop
Throwing it too low, for Albert
Grounding out softly... to shortstop

I heard he had a good glove, I heard he took a walk
But when I came to see him I knew it was all talk
And there he was, this shortstop, dependent on his average

Grounding out softly to shortstop
Throwing too low for Albert
Grounding out softly to shortstop
Grounding out softly, to shortstop
Throwing it too low, for Albert
Grounding out softly... to shortstop

I felt like he would bounce back, though his defense was bad
The cobbler's av'rage hitting an asset that we had
I prayed that he would come through, but he just kept right on

Grounding out softly to keystone
Diving head-first into first
Grounding out softly to keystone
Grounding out softly, to keystone
Diving in head-first, to first base
Grounding out softly... to keystone

We all commiserated, embarrassed by their play
We thought our middle infield would always be this way
We wanted better players, but they just kept right on

(Repeat first chorus)

Ohh, OOoooooohhhhh
La la la, la la la
Ooohhh, La la laaaaa...
La-aa-aa-aaaaa

(Repeat first chorus)

Who Put The WAR by Barry Fan (Inspired by Who Put The Bomp by Barry Mann)

I'd like to thank the guys, who made this game so much more fun to me

Who put the war in the baseball leader boards
Who put the slam in the slam-a-lam-a ding dong
Who put the ops in the ops, the ops the ops
Who put the bip in the bip, babip, babip
Who was that nerd?
I'd like to spread the word
He made this game so much more fun to me

When my ears first heard, of war, effwar, beewar, gimme more
Every word went right into my heart
And when I heard Joe sayin "Slam-a-lam-a-lam-a-lam-a-lam-a ding dong"
This game and I would never part

So, who put the war in the baseball leader boards
Who put the slam in the slam-a-lam-a ding dong
Who put the ops in the ops, the ops the ops
Who put the bip in the bip, babip, babip
Who was that nerd?
I'd like to spread the word
He made this game so much more fun to me

We've gone from total zone
To yuzee-yuzee-yuzee-yuzee-yuzee-yuzee-arr
Since my obsession started to grow
And even when my team gets
Bip-babip-babiped, bip-babip-babiped
I'll still love watching how it goes

(Hilariously earnest spoken interlude)
Baseball, war, effwar, beewar, gimme more
And it's funny, slam-a-lam-a-ding-dong, forever
And when I say, "bip! Babip! Babip! Babip!"
You know I differentiate from yuzee, yuzee, yuzee-yuzee-arr

Paint It Red by The Stoning Trolls (Inspired by Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones)

I see October and I want to paint it red
No losing anymore, I want it to turn red
I see the days go by and we keep winning more
I have to keep my hope until we're done for sure

I see a lineup now and they're all wearing red
My team is winning but I know that they're undead
I see September fade, the Wild Card is near
Comebacks like this, they just don't happen every year

I look inside myself and see my blood is red
My baseball appetites are not yet fully fed
Maybe we'll still lose and prove right all those talking heads
It's not easy giving up when your whole world is red

No more will my team watch the others on TV
I could not foresee this thing happening to me
If we play hard enough and if our team is strong
We'll be counting to eleven now before too long

(Repeat first verse)

Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm (x4)

I wanna see it painted... painted red, red as blood, that's my goal
I wanna see a flag flying high in the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted red, yeah...

Welcome To The Bungle In The Jungle Medley by Torthro Squirrull and Puns N' Closers (inspired by Bungle In The Jungle by Jethro Tull and Welcome To The Jungle by Guns N' Roses)

(Awesome flute)

Walking through outfields with hoofs upon dirt tracks, gawk at the clydesdales who carry their beer draughts
Down at the stadium, drunk every night game, eating their hotdogs with bacon on game day
Cardinals and fillies, who play in the shadows, they're fast but they can't see the ball in the sun's glow

Well let's bungle in the jungle, well that's all right by me
There's a tortoise with a Twitter, and the squirrel's a celebrity

Just say a word and we'll do it for Torty, with shell on his back he's surprisingly sporty
Is it surprising that they haven't turned tail now, our bats are like lightning, our bull-pen is nails now
They wrote on their websites, "they'll eat you for dinner" but somehow our birds are still looking like winners

Well let's bungle in the jungle, well that's all right by me
There's a tortoise with a Twitter, and the squirrel's a celebrity

(Awesome flute and violins)

The fox holes were deep and the bear traps were cleared, yes, the gods who made baseball are often mysterious.
They're lovers of long-term, but players of clutch, yes, the numbers on paper predict only so much
They'll light up this jungle for October masterwork, if Tony seems willing to give us one last work

(Repeat chorus, fade out)
(Awesome guitar fades in)

Welcome to the jungle, we got playoff games
You don't know our third baseman yet but you're gonna learn his name
We're a team that you will find will be the one to beat
And if you're bettin' money, honey, bet on David Freese

In the jungle, welcome to the jungle, watch it bring you to your
Shananananananananananana knees, knees, ooh, I, I, wanna watch this team

Welcome to the jungle, we take it day by day
Berk will hit the ball a lot and Furc will make the plays
We've got very dirty Dans, Dotel and Rzepczynski,
And Lynn, and Craig, and Jay, and Albert hits home runs in threes

In the jungle, welcome to the jungle, watch it bring you to your
Feel our, our, our Carpentine, ooh, I, I wanna hear you scream

(Guitar solo)

Welcome to the jungle, even Schu and Theriot play
Our closer might be Motte, or not, but baby that's OK
Cause his fastball's very fast and he can barely see
He ain't no bum, so come get some, and he might eat Yadi

In the jungle, welcome to the jungle, watch it bring you to your
Shananananananananananana knees, knees, ooh, I wanna watch this team

Freese hits it high, it might never
Never come down, come down, come down, come down! Yeah! Go!

(Repeat choruses)

It's gonna bring you down
Huh!

Got My Heart Set On Pu by Mo Worrison (inspired by Got My Mind Set On You by James Ray, as covered by George Harrison)

I've got my heart set on Pu, I've got my heart set on Pu
I've got my heart set on Pu, I've got my heart set on Pu

But it's gonna take money, a whole lot of effing money
It's gonna take guaranteed money, to do it right now

It's gonna take years, a whole lot of precious years
It's gonna take multiple years, mm-mm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it now, child

I've got my heart set on Pu, I've got my heart set on Pu
I've got my heart set on Pu, I've got my heart set on Pu

I know that the slump was real
But it don't change how I feel
I know I should put my mind to it
But I don't think that I can do it

I've got my heart set on Pu (set on Pu)
I've got my heart set on Pu (set on Pu)

But it's gonna take money, a whole lot of effing money
It's gonna take guaranteed money, to do it right, now

It's gonna take pies, lots of delicious pies
It's gonna take baking some pies, mm-mm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it now

I've got my heart set on Pu, I've got my heart set on Pu
I've got my heart set on Pu, I've got my heart set on Pu

I know that the slump was real
But it don't change how I feel
I know I should put my mind to it
But I don't think that I can do it

But it's gonna take money, a whole lot of effing money
It's gonna take guaranteed money, to do it right child

It's gonna take pies, lots of delicious pies
It's gonna take baking some pies, mm-mm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it now

(Set on Pu, set on Pu)
Set on Pu, set on Pu
I set my mind on Pu
(Fade out)

[I want to give special thanks to commenter carpenoctem, who came up with the concept and chorus behind Grounding Out Softly in a gamethread against Houston on July 27th, before the crazy end-of-season run when VEB was a dreary place and we were still pissed about the Rasmus trade and crappy-looking lineup that game. The idea for this fanpost has been stewing in my head ever since then and would not have happened if carpenoctem hadn't written that delightful comment which captured one Ryan Theriot plate appearance, and captured so many Ryan Theriot plate appearances. Also, thanks go out to Tudor's Electric Fan and DanUpBaby, Tudor because he had the idea for "Neutral Milk Dotel" and Dan because he wrote the first couple lines of the song. Also thanks to whichever other commenters may or may not have said funny things which influenced the lyric writing. You may be implicated in a federal criminal case and/or be asked to testify before a grand jury.]