The Day The Trade Went Down (lyrics)

So I haven't much time in the basement these days, but long queues have taken their toll. Yon slapdash sum-up is full of emotional response and unlicensed music, so bring the salt. What is quite real is how the players had to step aside to compose themselves before answering questions about the July 31st 2010 trade.
- Y2S

[Here is a picture.]

The Day The Trade Went Down (lyrics)

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how Ryan nailed that runner by a mile
And I knew if Luddy got the love
He might rate a Golden Glove
And maybe they’d say his name right
    for a while

But late July made me shiver
When would the bats deliver?
What gaffes would they accept —
Out on the paths, out by a step

I can’t remember if I wept
When I saw the guys we kept
But the grief mixed up with regret
The day the trade went down...

So, bye bye, solid outfielder guy (wick)
He was streaky, sometimes creaky, but did nothing but try (wick)
And them good old boys knew it wasn’t a lie (wick)
"I would pick you any day till I die.
This team, till the day that I die."

Did you see what Houston did,
Dangled Oswalt in their skid
If he would approve a move
Can you believe where the Fat King rolled
Pinstriped pajamas and a DH role
And even fools won’t trade with a foe...

Well I know you’re sore enough to cuss
‘Cause I saw you pining for Walrus
Now he knows how first base feels
Mo’ loves those multi-year deals!

Swapped Theodore before the ivy rot
No more pick-offs of Theriot
But I found regression’s based on luck
The day the trade went down...

We were singing
Bye bye, solid outfielder guy (wick)
He was streaky, sometimes creaky, but did nothing but try (wick)
And them good old boys knew it wasn’t a lie (wick)
"I would pick you any day till I die.
This team, till the day that I die."

Now for four years we’ve been on our own
And grit grows fat on a rollin’ stone
But that’s not how it used to be
When the jester spun for the king and aces
Stove-hot and off to the races
And a payroll that came from you and me

Then while the king was so-called "down"
The jester wore the sombrero crown
The supreme court was adjourned
(Was Craig ever returned?)
And while we lost no money in the books
The Man Stew burned up all the cooks
Woke to a Greenwood and a Westbrook
The day the trade went down...

They were singing
Bye bye, solid outfielder guy (wick)
He was streaky, sometimes creaky, but did nothing but try (wick)
And them good old boys knew it wasn’t a lie (wick)
"I would pick you any day till I die.
This team, till the day that I die."

‘Win some, lose some’s a summer hell
The ‘birds were landing on the DL
Three eighty-nine and falling fast
As good as foul out on the grass
Or five-stone where it landed last
With the barber flashing his scar from the cast

Now the pine bench was all out of room
And spirits held like walk-up tunes
Ludwick got up to hit
Oh but that muscle bit!
‘Cause the players tried to secure the field;
He was one who refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the trade went down...

They started singing
Bye bye, solid outfielder guy (wick)
He was streaky, sometimes creaky, but did nothing but try (wick)
And them good old boys knew it wasn’t a lie (wick)
"I would pick you any day till I die.
This team, till the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in first place
A division lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on, Cards be nimble, Cards be quick,
The Reds can also light our wick
Scoring runs are our only friend

Oh, and as I watched his placid face
I couldn't shake the bitter taste
Those lights would really sting
If we cost that man a ring!
And as arbitration became a plight
His mighty swing lit up the night
I saw Jed laughing with delight
The day the trade went down...

He was singing,
Bye bye, solid outfielder guy (wick)
He was streaky, sometimes creaky, but did nothing but try (wick)
And them good old boys knew it wasn’t a lie (wick)
"I would pick you any day till I die.
This team, till the day that I die."

I met a man with a single ring
And I asked if ransoms still buy kings
But he just smiled and ran out to play.
Went down to the team's official store
Where I'd heard the bats' crack years before
But the man there said the jerseys were on sale

And in the streets the sirens screamed
The fanbase cried, and the players dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The fireworks all were broken
And three gamers I admire the most
Luke, David, and one who'd never boast
They caught the last train to the coast
The day the trade went down...

And they were singing,
Bye bye, solid outfielder guy
He was streaky, not yet creaky, but did nothing but try
And them good old boys knew it wasn't a lie
I'd pick them any day till I die
This team, till the day that I die.

This is a pastiche of the lyrics of "American Pie" © Don McLean. Some lyrics are taken whole from the song.

A number of in-jokes have been used. The most obscure:
Brett Wallace = Walrus
Kyle Lohse = the barber
Jon Jay = the judicial puns
The Man Stew = phrase coined in 2009 for players' hot-tub time, now used as metonymy
And for the non-British contingent, five stone is actually 70 lbs. The weight was 75 lbs.
If you have to ask about the luggage, you don't need to know about the luggage. The first rule of the luggage is we don't talk about the luggage.

"Everyone in here comes to the yard ready to play every day. I’ll take this group, any day until the day I die."
#47 Ryan Ludwick