More Penny Puns and Kyle, Low: A Play in One Act
by DanUpBaby on May 6, 2010 5:10 AM EDT
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PrintThat listless loss occasioned a new set of Penny puns—"Penny can't cash in on past success" and "Penny's luck runs out in Philadelphia", at the mothership—so we have that going for us. The Cardinals seem like a team that can hit, and the season-long slumps have been limited to the middle infield, so being shut down so thoroughly by Kyle Kendrick, a guy who looks, at best, like someone Dave Duncan will be interested in ten years from now, is still less a fatalistic necessity than an unpleasant surprise. Cole Hamels—Cole Hamels throwing 95, no less, with the same change-up—is going to shut a few teams down every year. This might be the only time Kyle Kendrick does it.
Meanwhile, Brad Penny didn't really have the sinker, or else it wasn't working; fastball velocity was up, strikeouts were up, but flyouts outnumbered groundouts and he finally allowed some home runs. This wasn't the bad Brad Penny, though, unless you're really optimistic or have terrifying standards—he earned his swings and misses, he kept the ball in the strike zone, and occasionally someone who throws really hard is going to allow the ball to be hit really far. At the beginning of the season a quality start was the high end of my expectations for Penny; that I'm defending him for pitching one a month in seems like another good problem to have.
Not hitting, though—work on that. In their last four games (this is a misleading endpoint, as they walked six times on May 1) the Cardinals have walked unintentionally five times, against 31 strikeouts. This is all the problems of working deep into counts with none of the benefits; it's not a lot of fun to watch.
Now, a play in one act.
KYLE, LOW
A VIVA EL BIRDOS PLAY IN ONE ACT
CHARACTERS
KYLE LOHSE, a forgotten ten-millionaire
BRAD PENNY, a strange conversational tic
COLBY RASMUS, a thinker
BRENDAN RYAN and JOE MATHER, some dancers
MATT HOLLIDAY, a nervous man
THE ANSWERING MACHINE, a convenient anachronism
SCENE
JOHN MOZELIAK's office is crowded with printouts and charts and souvenirs, artifacts of dealing with an extensive system of scouts and teams and players. It is the office of a man who has to select, with great care, the problems he will deal with at a given moment. It is the office of a busy, nervous man. On the desk, by the computer and the phone, there is an ANSWERING MACHINE. It is talking.
ANSWERING MACHINE: Hi, you've reached John Mozeliak's office. I'm not here now—I being John Mozeliak, I mean. John Mozeliak is not here right now, which is me. If you leave a message—leave a message. After the— [There is a beep, and another voice.]
ANSWERING MACHINE: Are you there, Mo? It's me, Kyle. I just—I dunno, just leavin' you the old get-back-to-me message, you know? So get back to me, if you want. It'd be cool. I'm gonna—it's just I pitched really well the other day, and I was wondering if you saw it. Like I had this one pitch—Ryan Hanigan was batting, right? And he thought I was going to throw him a fastball, because he looked at one on the corner the pitch before, and—
The phone rings.
ANSWERING MACHINE: Hi, you've reached John Mozeliak's office. I'm not here now—I being John Mozeliak, I mean. John Mozeliak is not here right now, which is me. If you leave a message—leave a message. After the—
ANSWERING MACHINE: —and then I threw him a slider, and he was like, "Oh, s-word!" and swung right over it. Did you see that one? ... It was awesome. Anyway, I was just wondering, like, I checked, today, and I didn't get a win for that game. And I was wondering if I could maybe get one? However that works. Anyway, I guess I'll see you at the party tonight. Like, if you're going. It's no big deal. I mean, I'm going.
LATER THAT DAY
We are inside a Dave and Buster's—several tables are pushed together, TONY LA RUSSA has the company card; BRENDAN RYAN asked JOSE OQUENDO for $10 in tokens, please, please, and hasn't been seen for three hours; it has been a good month, and the team is ready to celebrate as most groups of employees do: with drinking, and awkwardness. Today, as ever, the focus is on a newcomer: JAIME GARCIA, the rookie starter with a golden arm.
LA RUSSA: To conclude: it's a long season, and if we don't keep winning series they'll get us. They'll get us and we won't know what hit us. [There is vague, mixed applause.] Enjoy Dave and Buster's, everybody. Enjoy it warily.
KYLE LOHSE is wandering Dave and Buster's without realizing it. He passes from station to station at the table and around the arcade without settling; he exchanges small-talk with his teammates and stares, mostly disinterested, at the Top Skater machine.
LOHSE: So. Uh. It looks like you're pretty good at this.
RYAN [without looking back]: I'm really more of a 4thMix guy. But you've got to play the DDR you're given, you know?
MATHER [focused on dancing]: That's—that's really profound.
Whatever it is he's looking for, he didn't find it at Dance Dance Revolution with BRENDAN RYAN, who said, apologetically, that he has trouble playing the easier songs with a partner. He didn't find it at the table, where DAVE DUNCAN and 34 year-old who claimed to have an 88 mile an hour fastball were discussing ground ball theory. He didn't even find it at the Top Skater machine, which was broken, anyway, like every Top Skater machine.
LOHSE: Brad. B-Dog. What's happening?
PENNY: Not much, Kyle, not much. Just thinkin' like Lincoln, to coin a phrase!
LOHSE: Oh. I guess.
PENNY: Just my one cent, man!
LOHSE: Yeah, yeah—I know. Look, do you like Dave and Buster's? I haven't played Time Crisis in like 50 years and I just need somebody to shoot while I reload. I'm basically the best Time Crisis player who ever lived—like, if the actual President's actual daughter were ever kidnapped, they'd probably call me, like in The Last Starfighter, and give me a gun and some barrels to hide behind—
PENNY: Sorry, Kyle, Jaime already asked me to play Street Fighter 4. Which is to say: my time is—otherwise invested.
LOHSE [disheartened]: Well—I guess I'll talk to you later, then. I just wanted to know if Penny Arcades, is all.
PENNY: Wait, what are you, stupid? This is clearly not a penny arcade; the games are far too new, for one thing.
LOHSE: ... What? It's a—
PENNY: I'm just not sure what you're getting at, here.
LOHSE: You are the worst. Ever.
HOLLIDAY: Don't listen to him, Kyle. I know what's eating you.
LOHSE: You do?
HOLLIDAY: Yeah. Waino and Carp are the best, Penny—
PENNY: Like the coin!
HOLLIDAY: I know! Penny is off to a great start, and Jaime is the exciting new rookie. You were hot stuff in 2008 and now everybody forgets to watch the games you start on TV.
LOHSE: Man, that's it exactly! What do I do about it?
HOLLIDAY [sitting down]: Well, keep pitching well, for one. Build on this last outing. But there's more to it than that. You have to— [He looks up; his eyes widen. ALBERT PUJOLS appears to be staring at him from some distance away, his gaze—disgusted, but knowing—passing right through BRENDAN RYAN and JOE MATHER on the DDR machine.]
LOHSE: What is it?
HOLLIDAY: I have to—I have to run some sprints, I think. I'm sorry.
LOHSE: See, Colby, it's just like that. You have their attention one day, and the next they've replaced your pile of sherseys in the team store with a fresh shipment of Matt Pagnozzi.
RASMUS: ...
LOHSE: I know what you mean. It's just hard being the fifth starter so suddenly. At least they used to complain about my contract! Now I haven't gotten recognized on the street in a year and a half, unless you count the guy who thought I was the one friend from Flight of the Conchords. Stalkers have started de-friending me on Facebook.
RASMUS: ...
LOHSE [stirring his SHIRLEY TEMPLE]: Right? I know I'm not the best, but all I want is a little encouragement. I'm worth that, right? Just somebody saying, "hey, Kyle, it's awesome that you struck out seven guys that one time, even though two of them were Homer Bailey. Wanna come over and watch Avatar later?"
RASMUS: ...
LOHSE: You know, Colby, man, I like you. You've got a head on your shoulders.
RASMUS: ...
RASMUS: Thanks, Kyle. But—after some consideration—I don't think it's my intellect so much as my empathy that's brought us together. Through no fault of your own you remind certain people of that which they'd rather not remember. To Mr. Mozeliak you're totemic of that terrifying interval where salaries grew incommensurate with the underlying trends of a damaged economy—no GM wants to remember that. To the fans you're a figure who's already peaked, and who did so at a time when the rest of the rotation was nightmarish, to put it charitably. You're the proverbial sheep in wolf's clothing, Kyle, and regrettably so.
LOHSE: Wait, what?
RASMUS: And all you can do is just keep giving 110% out there, every day.
LOHSE: I guess you're right. Do you wanna go play Time Crisis? I love how you can take your foot off the pedal and hide behind the barrels. Then you pop up and—pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. I like to shoot them like that—one leg, other leg, one hand, other hand, headshot. It's awesome.
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LOL
KFL – the one unknown in the cardinal clubhouse, and the one guy ain’t nobody gonna even think about messing with. i wonder if this not-knowing factors into the lohse “hate” as much as his contract. yes, he’s a bit cooler (in a good sense) than the others, and needlessly handsome, but let’s just hope he doesn’t have to hit a mofo early tomorrow and be lost for the rest of the game…‘cause he’ll hit a mofo.
KFL – can you hit brah? ’cause nobody else can.
lopex, come back soon. you can choose your MIF position, we will extend you a new contract, just come back soon.
"Some days I feel like the hypotenuse in a love triangle; others as if my lucky number is pi."
If Floppy can't return
does Mr. Mo make a move to get a MIF? Potential targets?
"They're so stunned they didn't even boo!"
John Rooney 5/3/10 referring to Philly fans on Cards 5-run 7th inning
lopex
if tony ruined his arm and he’s out, i suspect they’d make a move with the little they have in “dry powder” for this rainy day. they are not going to stand pat and piss the season away, and there is no one in the minors who is more than a stopgap, like gotay. so i would suspect they do the obvious…and add miles – LOL because you know it’s true. so i guess, yeah, basically i think lopex will be done for the year (and will win some sort of personal-injury lawsuit against tony), and miles will take his place, and we will have the most craptastic set of MIF’s in baseball.
"Some days I feel like the hypotenuse in a love triangle; others as if my lucky number is pi."
actually, I don't know where the "cooler" rep came from
Lohse was the one who got Ludwick to go rally-mohawk. Lohse was the one who strapped bubble wrap to his limbs while he was on the DL. He’s like Welley if Welley had been funny.
Lohse is cool like Allen Craig is cool. We ignore them at our own expense—
damn you, Penny!
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
i'm unaware that lohse has a "cool" rep amongst the hoi polloi
he’s just the cool guy in the dugout that everyone would like to hang with, but he never offers – got his own thing going on. yeah, in some place where no one is recognized, if all the cards were there, lohse would be the cool dude in the crowd. he probably wouldn’t talk to anyone he didn’t know, but can’t hate a guy for being cool – KFL.
"Some days I feel like the hypotenuse in a love triangle; others as if my lucky number is pi."
let's just say Lohse is around Ludwick territory
closer to Wainwright but with fewer bear-hugs. he… kind of does talk to everyone. he’s just more low-key about it. I don’t get the impression he’s aloof. I mean, come on, look at the picture. dugout-watchers, represent.
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
heh
nobody is trying to hang with lud, but they’d probably be more than welcome. as i said, lohse will talk to everyone in the dugout, as he’s quite cool, but you’d have more luck planning to have lunch with carp than lohse.
"Some days I feel like the hypotenuse in a love triangle; others as if my lucky number is pi."
Cooler than the others? Needlessly handsome? (vomit)
Let’s see… English is your second language. (check)
You claim to know game threads well which means you’ve changed user names. (check)
You’re pissing off everyone. (check)
Lohse hard-on. (check)
Hello, westcoastbirdwatcher. Where’d you hide your ellipses?
You can read it in any tone you like.
he is a Gonzaga and a Jazz fan...
"...football games always make me thankful for two things:
1. Teams that pass the ball downfield.
2. Baseball games. "
--DanUpBaby
just relating it to the westcoast thing
not the Lohse loving, annoying poster thing
"...football games always make me thankful for two things:
1. Teams that pass the ball downfield.
2. Baseball games. "
--DanUpBaby
Incredible, Holmes.
I did not even suspect anything myself. But, when you explain your observations and reasoning, it seems so obvious!
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
I'll risk nexdef
clubhouse meeting called (unicorns needed)
now if i can only stop opening the tabs that shut down my browser….
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
yeah, here's how the meeting goes
tony asks them to start playing better, and promises he’ll stop doing stupid things if they will. and under his breath he’ll mention baserunning – in the last 2 games we’ve solidified our rep as the worst baserunning team in baseball. our best baserunner is our slowest guy, and our worst is the two faster guys (not counting greene, who is quite good) – wut?
"Some days I feel like the hypotenuse in a love triangle; others as if my lucky number is pi."
Quotations
Brad Penny gave the Cardinals their 14th consecutive "quality start" of at least six innings with no more than three earned runs.
Is Strauss going to start using quotation marks around “win,” “wins,” “winning” pitcher, “loss,” losses," and “losing” pitcher? Somehow, I doubt it.
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
by bgh on May 6, 2010 9:47 AM EDT up reply actions
there's a blog for that
http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
You and your fancy stats!
>Pitcher Change: Felipe Lopez replaces Ryan Franklin, batting 7th, replacing third baseman Felipe Lopez
This...
now if i can only stop opening the tabs that shut down my browser….
tends to happen when you follow Joe Strauss on Twitter. All sorts of bad shit seems to happen to your computer.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
i was a fool!
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
Ha...Colby is like uh-huh from little rascals
good times
"Albert hits good pitches hard and bad pitches even harder. And when he gets in the batter's box, if you pray, then you start praying. And if you don't pray, you think about starting."--Brian Bannister
by VolsnCards5 on May 6, 2010 8:35 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
The Jedi mind trick...
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
37
You know, there’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of ’em just cheat on you.
I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of forests. Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. - Calvin, Scientific Progress Goes "Boink", Watterson
by Solanus on May 6, 2010 11:06 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Does That Make Colby....
…Jay? Snooochie Boootches!
Right now that makes Jamie Garcia our official Happy Scrappy Hero Pup!
;=8)
Big McLargehuge!
:=8O
I think Colby had the Silent Bob comment
I think Boog would be a good Jay in our Kevin Smith movie. Joey Bombs would make an excellent Banke, and Lohse would seem to be the tortured Ben Affleck from Chasing Amy.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
Words to live by
You have their attention one day, and the next they’ve replaced your pile of sherseys in the team store with a fresh shipment of Matt Pagnozzi.
Thanks Dan. And Kyle.
Jobu needs a refill
hmmm...thus far we have only played three teams that have a winning record
and we are 4-5 against them, and in all likelihood that will be 4-6 after today…granted, two of those series were on the road, but it still makes me wonder if out early season record didn’t come about from playing bad teams
of course, there are not many good teams in the NL right now, only 5 teams above .500
"Albert hits good pitches hard and bad pitches even harder. And when he gets in the batter's box, if you pray, then you start praying. And if you don't pray, you think about starting."--Brian Bannister
or the fact that our record so far, even against shitty teams,
is due mainly to unsustainably good pitching…? honestly, I’m not too worried. This is playoff team so all i care about is that they get it sorted out by then. But seriously, this offense has no excuse being so mediocre generally, and at times downright awful. We;re basically around league average in every salient offensive stat. here. We’ve even fallen behind in the vaunted HR category. San Francisco might have the better offense right now. Ugh. We’re a mediocre offensive team being carried by absurdly good pitching and good defense. Need some offensive balance, for sure.
On the positive side, nice work Dan!
Agree
But seriously, this offense has no excuse being so mediocre generally, and at times downright awful. We;re basically around league average in every salient offensive stat. here. We’ve even fallen behind in the vaunted HR category. . . We’re a mediocre offensive team being carried by absurdly good pitching and good defense. Need some offensive balance, for sure.
I’m not going to worry about this until the end of the month. If Skip continues to struggle and Floppy’s not back, I don’t think Miles is the answer. I expect a trade for a 2B.
Apparently Holliday’s been nursing a groin injury—yet another “gamer” who refuses to inform training staff???? I expect we’ll see everyone else perform at something approaching normalcy.
"They're so stunned they didn't even boo!"
John Rooney 5/3/10 referring to Philly fans on Cards 5-run 7th inning
Apparently Holliday’s been nursing a groin injury—yet another "gamer" who refuses to inform training staff???? I expect we’ll see everyone else perform at something approaching normalcy.
My guess is that if he was hitting .400/.550/.800 the last 6 games he wouldn’t have a “groin injury” either. He would just have “sore muscles”.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
This could turn into a BAD situation...
Like it or not, being the “big ticket” FA this season and signing the largest deal in team history is gonna bring with it a level of scrutiny that he’s not had. I suggested about 10 days into the season that his crappy start could turn bad in a hurry if he didn’t turn it around soon.
I believe the flu was to blame for his shitty performance at the time. So it was early, he was sick, etc., etc.. He’ll turn it around eventually, right? (Right?)
Well, clearly he hasn’t turned it around at all (actually, he’s gotten worse as the season has progressed) and fans are frustrated. Now his shitty performance is due to a “groin injury?”
As many of us said during the HOU series, fine, whatever…he’s sick/injured. Let him sit and get right. It’s dumb to keep running him out there so he can take shitty AB after shitty AB and do absolutely nothing but develop bad habits.
Now as my friends remind me everytime we end up bitching about a Holliday AB (and that’s A LOT of the time), he got off to a really poor start last year too. And he’ll probably turn it around. But do we get a discount because he played at about 30% of what we paid for? Nope.
Anyway, we’re just getting to a point where “it’s still early” won’t be a passable excuse anymore. Let him rest his groin, get over the flu, relax, grow a mustache, whatever, so he’ll be “right” for the bulk of the season.
/end rant
The groin injury happened Tuesday night, if I'm not mistaken.
There were tweets—I believe Yadi2Second shared them (safe bet, eh?)—from Tuesday night that Holliday tweaked his groin in the late innings and that they would have had a pinch runner for him had Holliday made it on-base during his final PA. Given these reports, we can conclude that Holliday immediately notified the staff, but decided to play through the pain. If the medical staff has concluded that this does not pose a great risk of worsening the condition, it seems fine to me, even if his production suffers. I don’t think anyone is blaming his recent slump on the groin injury, so lets not get carried away.
I will make a bold prediction: Matt Holliday’s play will make him worth more than his salary by season’s end.
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
Thanks for clarifying
I missed the groin specifics (TWSS?). And I’d LOVE to be totally wrong about Matt Holliday. Hope you’re right, but man, I’m just not that optimistic.
I think your rant is right on
I second your grumbling. And I also hope I am wrong. I challenge Mr. Holliday to show me how wrong I am.
merit badge for safety
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
I don't think that he's lying or making excuses
I guess it kinda came off that way though — I apologize for not being more clear.
What I was trying to say is the it’s only an injury when your performance sucks. If you’re hitting the cover off of it, you just have “bumps and bruises”, but when you go 1 for 38 it’s a “groin injury” or “muscle pull”.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
"he's just been dinged up"
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
Coin-flip games
Last night’s game was essentially fought to a standstill. We didn’t have a timely hit from Brendan with one out and a runner on third and it cost us (as well as a lack of any other timely hits). We could just as easily be 5-4 and we’d be talking about how well we’ve done to be 5-4 against winning teams because we played them on the road.
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
by bgh on May 6, 2010 9:49 AM EDT up reply actions
Put it in perspective!
Cards only scored 2 runs in those 4 games and faced some incredible pitching performances. They only gave up 12 runs (3RPG, Homey).
We've scored 1 run in the last 18 innings we've played.
And Kendrick is not a good pitcher. I honestly think that last night might have been our worst offensive performance of the young season. 6 hits and 2 walks off of Kendrick is unbelievably ineffective.
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
The glass is half full, Bats can get cold
Our pitching is still solid! It’s been, what, 12 straight quality starts? 2 of those 4 losses were to Lincecum and Zito, 2 of the top 3 or 4 in the NL, for Chrissakes. And Hamels was pitching like he did 2 years ago.
The problem is...
this is the September problem…now in May.
>Pitcher Change: Felipe Lopez replaces Ryan Franklin, batting 7th, replacing third baseman Felipe Lopez
Winning the Series is a lot about getting hot at the right time
See “World Series, 2006”
If the pitchers put up consistent quality starts, you have a chance of winning almost every night.
What's upsetting
is that our offense seems incredibly ineffective against the 4th starters of teams. Guys like Kyle Kendrick and Bud Norris, who’s given up 3 ER or more in every other start he’s made this year but managed to shut out the Cardinals for 5 innings while striking out 9.
What’s frustrating is that our offense is going to have to beat GOOD pitchers if we make the playoffs and going to have to be able to score runs effectively against the bad pitchers. This is something we didn’t do in the playoffs last year. We got shut down by the likes of Randy Wolf and Vincente Padilla last season en route to getting swept by the Dodgers. Vincente fucking Padilla. And when you see our team get beaten by guys like Kendrick and Norris you start to wonder if anything has changed.
It’s not panicking….yet. But you know that Manuel and Torre aren’t going to pitch to Albert Pujols in the playoffs, so other guys have got to step up and hit the baseball. So far, we’ve seen that from guys like Freese, Ludwick, and Rasmus on occasion, but when the whole team is struggling that seems to negatively affect those guys as well.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
FWIW
Our pitching has been awesome and I would guess that it will continue to be a regressed form of just south of consistently awesome for most of the season. But forcing your pitching staff to hold teams to 1 or 2 runs in every start (like Wainwright’s done or Zack Greinke is doing) puts a lot of pressure on them and that’s not a good thing in the long run.
We can win this way, but a 10-12 run offensive explosion against some of these worse-than-league-average-starters would be a nice change of pace.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
I'd settle for five or six runs against such starters.
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
I'd settle for a few hits with runners in scoring position
>Pitcher Change: Felipe Lopez replaces Ryan Franklin, batting 7th, replacing third baseman Felipe Lopez
Still waiting for you to use "I like turtles" as your sig
2010 St. Louis Cardinals - Sinkers and Dingers
by jd is legend on May 6, 2010 11:44 AM EDT up reply actions
I used it for a while but...ehhh.
You have to see the “3 little words” music video of it on YouTube… outstanding.
Kyle Kendrick STINKS!!!
I was appalled at cow poorly we batted against him…
:=8/
Big McLargehuge!
:=8O
I always spelled it "playwrighting."
Is that wrong?
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
by bgh on May 6, 2010 9:51 AM EDT up reply actions
yes
Blaine Matthew Burns: Albert Pujols' biggest fan (his first words will for sure be "Albert Pujols is RIDICULOUS")
Not necessarily.
Apparently, the word playwrighting has been around since 1709.
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
I have no idea
just being an ass. my wife gets sick of it, so I take it out on strangers
Blaine Matthew Burns: Albert Pujols' biggest fan (his first words will for sure be "Albert Pujols is RIDICULOUS")
Yeah.
I believe there is also a Pullitzer Prize for Drama.
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
Yes
This year’s recipient?
Joe Strauss — for creating drama where there certainly isn’t any.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
by fourstick on May 6, 2010 10:27 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
new sum-up of cj beatty
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
don't think i havebeen as eager for a split
as i am today
This guys so good(Pujols) He should be illegal-Pirates announcers
you and me both
if only because i’ll never hear the end of it
that’s what i get for being friends with a phillies fan
OT: fuck Rudy
Awesome article on fandom and the psychology of rooting for the underdog. Mentions many relevant published studies including a hilarious one where students where invited to watch the Hoosiers then do some tests like anagrams or rate their sex appeal…when they watched a game where the hoosiers won they overestimated their “skills” and vice-versa.
"How depressing is it being you? Would you equate it to being a lifelong Cubs fan?"
Good stuff.
Essentially summed up as:
“Nobody likes to be a front runner, but everyone loves to follow a winner”
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
moneyshot
“Other factors—like where you live and who your friends are—can influence your choice of a favorite team. (Why else would you root for the Chicago Cubs?)”
"How depressing is it being you? Would you equate it to being a lifelong Cubs fan?"
Because you like to get obnoxiously drunk and act like a douchebag?
I guess you could root for Duke Lacrosse as well.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
Well... a lot of people still listen to Kanye West?
without douchebags… who would real people make fun of?
Brenden Ryan is my hero...
by pattimagee on May 6, 2010 11:01 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
This
sums up everything you ever needed to know about Cubs fans in general.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
The President of my former college told me some wise words
“The ultimate redundancy is loud, drunk, rude, obnoxious cubs fans.”
I liked that guy.
"...football games always make me thankful for two things:
1. Teams that pass the ball downfield.
2. Baseball games. "
--DanUpBaby
by albrtfn on May 6, 2010 11:34 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I think Managing Expectations sums it up.
Same concept why gambling is highly enjoyable to most and especially those with a over active dopamine reward system. You expect/predict a lose so the unexpected win has a higher emotional reward.
Combined with Loss Aversion, when you root for the winner you only have something to lose, nothing to gain because you expect to win.
That said, I love Soul Crushing so I’ll root for the Yanks everyday the Cards don’t play them.
"How depressing is it being you? Would you equate it to being a lifelong Cubs fan?"
and people hate "unfairness"
"How depressing is it being you? Would you equate it to being a lifelong Cubs fan?"
That's really cool
It’s interesting with the experiments they did that labeled one team or the other as “underdog” and automatically made them more desirable, even to the point of fans totally disregarding the eye test to see who had more “hustle” or “heart” or even “talent”. Very cool.
ya, I thought it was especially fitting for this place
I just keep thinking about grit. I’m even toying with the idea that “Tigers in 3” destroyed the superstar effect for the 2006 cards.
"How depressing is it being you? Would you equate it to being a lifelong Cubs fan?"
I don't think anyone could dispute that the Cardinals were the worst team in the '06 playoffs.
They just happened to play the best during the month of October…
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
...yeah, that's my point
The Cards were the clear underdog and the “adverse superstar effect” shows underdogs give up easier or half ass it.
So TLR posting “Tigers in 3” in the clubhouse possibly erased that effect.
"How depressing is it being you? Would you equate it to being a lifelong Cubs fan?"
It was one of those fateful convergences...
TLR’s grind-it-out, play-a-hard-nine philosophy is a lot easier to sell when it is an us-versus-the-world situation, where everyone has written you off. I admit that I was fairly certain we would not win a single game, that the Padres would sweep us out of the playoffs (not that being swept out of the playoffs is uncommon for TLR-managed clubs). Of course, then Piazza dropped a Pujols pop foul, and, well, we all know what happened next…
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
After two losses in a row I was starting to get cold and distant...
This is exactly what I needed… (the latest episodes of Glee and Lost helped too) Thanks Dan!
Brenden Ryan is my hero...
these guys really less than three each other.
Ludwick is proud of Stavinoha. (Oddly there are no quotes of Luddy about Stav. A little headline-yanking there.)
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
GNATC
We’re now among the top teams in the league! Woo!
http://www.beyondtheboxscore.com/2010/5/5/1459950/btb-power-rankings-week-5#storyjump
I'm one of those "I don't care how you killed the cow; just serve me a great steak" guys. If the results are logical and easy to understand, I'm pouring some A1 sauce on that formula and eating it. UZR qualifies. -Bill Simmons
i was going to type something humorously offensive, but i have no faith in my double entendre today.
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
is "drinking and awkwardness" the converse of aaron's
Sex and awesomeness? The other side of the coin so to speak?
Excellent stuff, danup.
"We were men - flesh and blood - and we played baseball in the sunshine. We hit doubles off the wall, slid hard into second base. We had fights, and we made love. We sang songs and prayed on Sundays. . . . We felt pain. And we felt joy. There was a lot wrong with the world. But we weren't sad, man. We had the times of our lives." Buck O'Neil, from "The Soul of Baseball: A Road Trip Through Buck O'Neil's America."
by tom s. on May 6, 2010 11:14 AM EDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs
mind blown!
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
That was some fine writing
Nice piece.
Guys like Bradley are exactly why we can't have a pumpkin patch anymore.
Very nice
I love one act plays!
"...football games always make me thankful for two things:
1. Teams that pass the ball downfield.
2. Baseball games. "
--DanUpBaby
In unrelated sports news
Lawerence Taylor has been accused of raping a 15 yo girl. WTF?
Asshattery: it's an epidemic.
Also, Dave Concepcion.
There is always mor eto a story
but it’s nto liek LT has been a saint…hope it’s nto true for both the girl and him…
This guys so good(Pujols) He should be illegal-Pirates announcers
and here it is
[link]
She appears to have been a 16-yr old prostitute. And the beating was at the hands of someone else.
Is it just me
or do the rest of you find it humorous that every story about an athlete getting into trouble at some has to describe said athlete’s exploits on the field? In this case:
A quick, fierce and athletic linebacker who redefined his position, Taylor anchored the Giants’ defense and led New York to Super Bowls titles in 1987 and 1991. He was selected to the NFL’s 75th Anniversary All-Time Team.
A 10-time Pro Bowler, he was the NFL Most Valuable Player in 1986 and the NFL Defensive Player of the Year in 1981, 1982 and 1986. He recorded 132.5 sacks, which doesn’t included the 9.5 sacks in 1981 when the statistic wasn’t official.
How is that in any way related to the actual story? If some rich banker gets arrested for rape, do they run down all the famous stock trades or bridge loans the guy financed?
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
heh
“David Smith, a one-time employee of the month at the Shell gas station he’s worked at since high school, has been accused of…”
You can read it in any tone you like.
“Known for his famous ‘top down inventory’ system, David was able to inventory his entire gas station in less than four hours with little help from other employees. Since Shell didn’t have an inventory system at the time, they named their current system after David”
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
by fourstick on May 6, 2010 1:00 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Just got the P-D's daily Cardinals report,
and it had this gem of a stat in it: Halladay’s K-to-BB ratio is 39-to-4 (!!!).
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
Over under on skip walking today
I’d say 1. And I’ll take the under.
Give me 50:1 odds that skippy takes a lead off walk.
I'm guessing leadoff 4-3 putout or leadoff K
2010 St. Louis Cardinals - Sinkers and Dingers
by jd is legend on May 6, 2010 12:14 PM EDT up reply actions
my money is on 1st pitch 6-3 or K
definitely a frontwards K though
Blaine Matthew Burns: Albert Pujols' biggest fan (his first words will for sure be "Albert Pujols is RIDICULOUS")
Leadoff walks
In 2,139 PAs against Halladay, batters leading off an inning have coaxed 80 walks. That’s a walk rate of 3.74 percent.
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
so if it was a leadoff guy who could walk
Id put the odds at 25:1. But since it’s skippy… Yeah, 50:1. Any takers? (in internet cool points only)
I'm not sure which is more incredible:
Halladay having a 39/4 K/BB ratio
OR
Jeff Gordon pointing it out in a column.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
by fourstick on May 6, 2010 12:58 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Lineups
CARDINALS
2B Skip Schumaker
RF Nick Stavinoha
1B Albert Pujols
LF Matt Holliday
3B David Freese
CF Colby Rasmus
C Jason LaRue
P Kyle Lohse
SS Tyler Greene
PHILLIES
CF Shane Victorino
3B Placido Polanco
2B Chase Utley
1B Ryan Howard
RF Jayson Werth
LF Raul Ibanez
SS Wilson Valdez
C Carlos Ruiz
P Roy Halladay
No RFL, Boog, or Yadi.
unicorns
Asshattery: it's an epidemic.
Also, Dave Concepcion.
Stav in front of AP
ouch…i didnt expect to see AP either but ah well
This guys so good(Pujols) He should be illegal-Pirates announcers
Halladay vs. Stavinoha ROFLCOPTER
2010 St. Louis Cardinals - Sinkers and Dingers
by jd is legend on May 6, 2010 12:15 PM EDT up reply actions
i think u mean
src=“http://ui29.gamespot.com/1020/roflcopter_2.jpg”/>
This guys so good(Pujols) He should be illegal-Pirates announcers
I am not a fan of this lineup,
especially against Halladay.
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
at least we get to watch our backup SS get made look silly
instead of our starting SS
Blaine Matthew Burns: Albert Pujols' biggest fan (his first words will for sure be "Albert Pujols is RIDICULOUS")
That 9th inning PA Tuesday night against Lidge was hard to watch.
"I'm gonna throw the nastiest curveball I have ever thrown...if he hits it, I'll tip my cap, but if not we're going to the Series."
--Adam Wainwright on the final pitch of the 2006 NLCS
at least it met my expectations
Blaine Matthew Burns: Albert Pujols' biggest fan (his first words will for sure be "Albert Pujols is RIDICULOUS")
Obviously...
Halladay pounded the bottom of the zone
Stavinoha genuflective swing gets him under the ball.
TLR, sooooper genius.
>Pitcher Change: Felipe Lopez replaces Ryan Franklin, batting 7th, replacing third baseman Felipe Lopez
duh
Blaine Matthew Burns: Albert Pujols' biggest fan (his first words will for sure be "Albert Pujols is RIDICULOUS")
win/win situation
Stav fails and we all say “I told you so” to TLR
Stav continues to defy the odds (GOBS) and succeeds and our favorite team succeeds
Blaine Matthew Burns: Albert Pujols' biggest fan (his first words will for sure be "Albert Pujols is RIDICULOUS")
I was gonna change my sig, but now it feels pointless.
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
So we decide to field our worse team of the series against their best pitcher. . .
crafty.
Think; It's not illegal yet.
see, their worst pitchers just kill our best lineups so we just flip it around and bam!
sooooooper genius
Lick that shoulder—you're in the doghouse now.
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there..." - THT
i would rec this until my mouse stops clicking.
very well done, dan. your talent and sense of humor are unmatched.
"Did you just grow a mustache?"
"While SPINNING."
today's game live video stream
for all hard working and hardly working VEBsters
must have StreamTorrent installed
i gotta go bomb a final when the game starts. considering it’s kyle’s start, that might be less painful than watching the entire game. surprise me, kyle
one point to make
This might be the only time Kyle Kendrick does it.
Kendrick pitched 8 scoreless innings vs the Braves before his performance last night
(sorry if someone already brought this up)
he is a bit eccentric
by Cards Fan in Chitown on May 6, 2010 12:39 PM EDT reply actions
what I am saying is
Kendrick doesn’t suck
he is a bit eccentric
by Cards Fan in Chitown on May 6, 2010 12:55 PM EDT up reply actions
*** DELEATED SCENE ***
SKIPPY: Man, I hope we bang out some hits for KLo today, he’s lookin’ kinda’ low.
BOOG: It’ll be tough against the Doc.
SKIPPY: Yeah, they’re sayin’ this might be his best….wait a second, is that a cow in the outfield?
THE MOOCOW: Mooo!
BOOG: Ummm…I think it is. You think he’ll leave pies out there like Schotzie used to in Cincinnati?"
SKIPPY: Well -
BIG MAC: Quiet you two! No talking during BP! MOAR DINGERS!
SKIPPY & BOOG (in unison) Yes Sir!!
;=8)
Big McLargehuge!
:=8O
***CONTINUED***
Lard ass rent-a-cop charges onto the field along with ushers and usherettes. The MooCow panics.
RENT-A-COP: GET DOWN NOW!!!
THE MOOCOW: MOOOOOOOO!
USHER #1: He’s headed for the bullpen. We can’t catch him!!!
THE MOOCOW: Don’t tase me bro!
20,000 volts are discharged into the MooCow’s carcass, cooking it to a perfectly medium-rare doneness. Players and VIPs alike have a pre-game barbeque that will fuel the visiting team to a historic beat down Roy “Doc” Halladay. Thanks MooCow!
Franklin !#@$!&*%#
by guayzimi on May 6, 2010 1:02 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
u Forgot...
my milky streams of justice would short out that tazer in no time! Besides, if u wanna get me off the field, its easy: Alyssa Milano wearing an oversized Cardinals jersey…
;=8)
Big McLargehuge!
:=8O
either that
or your milky streams of juice (given you’re a dude, that’s quite gross) will just turn into cottage cheese
I thought we'd take...
games 2 and 3 with Waino and Kendrick on the mound. Wha happened?
Franklin !#@$!&*%#
Obligatory Complaint
Dear Mr. Danup,
I have been a frequent reader and an occasional commenter on this esteemed baseball blog. And I would like to remind you that this is a baseball blog. I am frankly tired of all the clever and witty writing, the ingenious allusions to pop culture, and the whimsical look at the BOB cast of characters. In sum, if I were interested in an one act play, I would cuddle up in my Lazyboy with my dog and read Sophocles.
Sincerely,
totalloser
/tonegue firmly planted in cheeck
born Dodger blue, now dyed Cardinals red
by totalloser on May 6, 2010 12:51 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
Offensive wows
I think our hitters are getting themselves out. The pitch recognition is just “turrible”, to quote Barkley. I think everyone with the exception of Mr. Freese is being a tad impatient. But I am not sure if the patient approach would work with Dr. Halladay. We might have to go up hacking today and try the proverbial “a blink squirrel finds a nut now and then approach.”
born Dodger blue, now dyed Cardinals red
yeah
the Hal McRae approach actually might be the best thing to do vs the doc
he is a bit eccentric
by Cards Fan in Chitown on May 6, 2010 1:05 PM EDT up reply actions
mine was just showing the grounds crew working before the game
started it again and skip was on first
"Moneyball: It's kind of like communism."
Back to back singles?
WTF kind of weird baseball dimension is this?
Asshattery: it's an epidemic.
Also, Dave Concepcion.
Dimension Fixed
>Pitcher Change: Felipe Lopez replaces Ryan Franklin, batting 7th, replacing third baseman Felipe Lopez
Dang it Utley
"...football games always make me thankful for two things:
1. Teams that pass the ball downfield.
2. Baseball games. "
--DanUpBaby
put the first two on
and the middle of the order can’t do anything with it
cool
"Moneyball: It's kind of like communism."
So I open up Gameday and to my delight
I see 2 on no outs and Pujols up then he hits into a DP and Holliday makes an out.
I’m sure both of those two are far more disgusted with themselves than I could ever be with them but man…F&CK!!!
THIS SPACE FOR RENT CALL 1-800-DOLLARS
Probably...it is Halladay. I can see Lohse matching him pitch for pitch and ...
then he gives up 1 run and we lose again because we can’t score.
THIS SPACE FOR RENT CALL 1-800-DOLLARS
WTF?
I can’t watch this anymore….hopefully I come back in 2 hours and we are winning but for now this is painful.
THIS SPACE FOR RENT CALL 1-800-DOLLARS
i would have pinch hit for kyle there
How depressing is it being you? Is it closer to being a lifelong cubs fan or being born without lips? - Janitor
OT: RIP Robin Roberts
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=5167653
1500 words devoted to him, and not ONE PARAGRAPH describing how instrumental he was in getting the MLBPA started by bargaining with ownership for a pension fund. It’s probably his most important accomplishment.
Can Colby round out our new MV3?
Fuckin' journalists.
You can read it in any tone you like.
by spants on May 6, 2010 2:36 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
how do they work?
"Moneyball: It's kind of like communism."
by prophetjohn on May 6, 2010 2:47 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
One of my new favorite memes
Needs to be more prominent at VEB
2010 St. Louis Cardinals - Sinkers and Dingers
I was out of town last weekend, it's probably in one of the threads I didn't hit up
I would have rec’d it if I saw it
2010 St. Louis Cardinals - Sinkers and Dingers
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