Albertofstan fact sheet
by ducttape16 on Jan 28, 2010 9:44 AM EST
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PrintFrom what I've figured out about Albertofstan from the original posting and comments afterwards, here is what Albertofstan is all about. Think of this as a one stop shop as of the end of January for all Albertofstan information.
- The first rule is we don’t talk about the elbow.
- Albert and Stan rule as two kings.
- Concession stands have no lines.
- All kids get autographs before games.
- Everyone is 17 WAR in their job.
- Baseball never has an offseason.
- Those who are foolish enough to run on Yadi are mowed down by his cannon arm.
- Bobby Bonilla is a national hero for his gift of Pujols.
- Fathers teach their sons how to keep score.
- The HOF voting process has been opened up to those living in basements.
- Aluminum bats have been banned except for the use in torture of state enemies.
- Cell phones are not used for talking or texting during games.
- Sliding into first actually makes sense.
- The DH is prohibited by the constitution.
- Newscasts are full of reports of Albert’s ridiculousness.
- Pies are the official currency.
- Astroturf is looked fondly upon as a relic of the past, but shall never be used again.
- The Stav Infection remains firmly in AAA.
- Guests who inevitably turn into citizens are greeted at the airport with pies.
- Bacon is the preferred breakfast meat.
- The entry age for bars is 19. Drinking age is less than well defined…
- Emocow is the official livestock.
- There is no crime. Stealing is allowed by citizens, but heavily frowned upon by outsiders.
- The preferred pitch is the 2 seamer, and dingers are looked upon favorably.
- 1984 type censorship or FCC nonsense is strictly forbidden.
- A meme test is part of the citizenship process.
- The Outfield has been nominated at the house band, and Centerfield as the National Anthem, but no decisions have been made.
- Glory Days is tentative a patriotic song.
- Anything is possible.
- The capital city is Albertofstan City.
- gdm was nominated for president however this was later made moot by the diarchy of Albert and Stan.
- mattyp has had his citizenship revoked for not wanting 8 more years of Albert.
- YesWeOquendo is the HR Director.
- d-dee is the first lady.
- There is no salary cap.
- Bestiality is frowned upon.
- Albertofstan is the new name of Ballpark Village.
- It is legal to punch Joe Strauss in the face.
If there is anything that I missed please let me know and I'll add it in the next iteration of the fact sheet.
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Comments
Sounds a bit like the baseball version of Lake Woebegone.
I like it.
"But I’m still hungry. I’ve got 10 fingers. There’s one that’s busy and I need nine more."
- Albert Pujols
Lake Woebegone
is the Prairie Home Companion version of Albertofstan.
by mynameistyler on Jan 29, 2010 11:53 AM EST up reply actions
Lovely!
There should obviously be a Two Minute Hate of Brandon Backe at 10am each morning?
RELEASE THE CENTIQUID!!!!
Enemy of the state!
"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is ALBERT when I lay my vengeance upon thee." -The Bible
by Cardinals645 on Jan 29, 2010 1:02 PM EST up reply actions
There is no torture in Albertofstan
except for having to watch Steve Traschel pitch against Jeff Suppan.
Okay so why is there a specific mention of beastiality?
And why is it merely frowned upon?
I'm living in an age that calls darkness light...
it was a MooCow reply
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
Should be
EmooCow!
:=8)
And no beastiality! unless we’re talkin’ me and Scarlett Johansson!!!
:=8D
Big McLargehuge!
:=8O
We've been over this multiple times...
"When I knocked a guy down, there was no second part to the story." - Bob Gibson
No IBB to Albert
Everybody has to pitch to him.
"I believe he’s been reincarnated, that he played before, in the twenties and thirties, and he’s back to prove something." - Former teammate Mark McGwire about Albert Pujols
and to discourage the UIBB
albert gets two bases if he is walked, and the offending pitcher must leave the game (perhaps the country if it happens again).
"Some days I feel like the hypotenuse in a love triangle; others as if my lucky number is pi."
permission to link to this in the future-projected glossary?
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
the Wave, ducttape. the Wave.
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
Damnit I forgot about that...
In fairness I did this after waking up randomly at 4 in the morning and not being able to fall back asleep. Not sure how I missed that when I was going through all the old threads though.
"When I knocked a guy down, there was no second part to the story." - Bob Gibson
It would be pretty pointless to do all this
if I didn’t want you linking to it…
"When I knocked a guy down, there was no second part to the story." - Bob Gibson
not even for the greater glory of Albertofstan?
where’s your patriotic pride
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
huh?
I’m trying to say feel free to link.
"When I knocked a guy down, there was no second part to the story." - Bob Gibson
nah I mean
you could post it for its own merits
nevermind, english fail on my part
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
by Yadi2Second on Jan 30, 2010 12:47 PM EST up reply actions
Or reading comprehension fail on my part.
whichever…
"When I knocked a guy down, there was no second part to the story." - Bob Gibson
cellphones-- well my dad was at the clincher of The WS of the past decade and he called me
so I could listen in to the final out of the game. I hope that is ok in Albertofstan. Because it was damned cool.
that's what he...
wait, is that meme allowed in Albertofstan?
Lighten up, Francis - Sergeant Hulka
* sarcasm might be involved in this comment
i like the 19 year old bar rule.......
follow me on twitter @nickg105
by stlcardinalsfang on Jan 28, 2010 3:45 PM EST reply actions
I think it should be changed
to say that fathers teach thier children to keep score. or, alternatively, parents teach their children to keep score. otherwise there’s no one to teach me!
also, this is awesome.
"I knew they were up to shenanigans." --TLR
I was going to mention that.
I felt a little left out.
Who needs affection when you can have blind hatred?
Ladies - it's cool.
We teach the men how to keep score.
I'm living in an age that calls darkness light...
by spants on Jan 28, 2010 4:02 PM EST up reply actions 7 recs
you also teach the men how to
wait, is this allowed in Albertofstan?
Lighten up, Francis - Sergeant Hulka
* sarcasm might be involved in this comment
There are SIX women on the internet?
that seems…. unlikely.
RELEASE THE CENTIQUID!!!!
by Felonius_Monk on Feb 1, 2010 6:41 AM EST up reply actions
there are a lot of women on the internet
I see pictures of them all the time.
by WyoCardsFan on Feb 1, 2010 10:53 AM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Eh that was part of the initial nonsense.
I’ll try to be more gender inclusive in the future…
"When I knocked a guy down, there was no second part to the story." - Bob Gibson
motto and flag
I’m not ambitious enough to whip up some possible flag ideas, but it’s an idea.
One additional add on-
all flight tickets to Albertofstan, no matter the point of origination, cost $99.99
Possible mottos-
“Alberofstan- You Know Al, It Really Is”
“Carpe Victoria”
“Come For The Dingers, Stay For The Pies”
“That’s A Winner!”
“We Play A Hard Nine”
They say sing while you slave but I just get bored
That's the flag that I thought we went with
but I couldn’t figure out how to do pictures in fanposts so I left it out… The lesson as always… I’m an idiot.
"When I knocked a guy down, there was no second part to the story." - Bob Gibson
that might be lboros
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
yep
"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is ALBERT when I lay my vengeance upon thee." -The Bible
by Cardinals645 on Jan 29, 2010 1:05 PM EST up reply actions
sadly this is the best quality version online
AFAIK
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHIQkS1TY50
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
Wait a minute
when was it decided that “Sliding into first actually makes sense?”
Until I hear good support, I fully disagree.
This is Albertofstan
you don’t need to agree,or even know why, it just is.
* is an Asshat
Also, Dave Concepcion.
It was part of the initial
And if you are sliding to dodge a tag I’m okay with that… if you’re doing it because you think it will get you there faster than running through the base I will take you into the clubhouse and beat you with a rubber hose…
"When I knocked a guy down, there was no second part to the story." - Bob Gibson
Is Colby Rasmus Fire Burning In The Outfield by Colby Rasmus Girl
our national anthem?
"There's a lot of things we say that don't make sense to our viewers. Okay, primarily me." ~Al Hrabosky~
maybe a tasteful statue of rasmus girl
along the lines of the little mermaid in copenhagen?
"Some days I feel like the hypotenuse in a love triangle; others as if my lucky number is pi."
I know we have at least one statue of note...
"When I knocked a guy down, there was no second part to the story." - Bob Gibson
wat wat?
suggesting something to commemorate her contribution in lieu of getting the national anthem, because i don’t think colby quite rates that yet in a country named Albertofstan.
btw, is she still around here?
"Some days I feel like the hypotenuse in a love triangle; others as if my lucky number is pi."
she seemed to disappear after Colby met her
hmmm….
(she’s not legal, Colby!)
it could be an America the Beautiful-type secondary anthem. or a pub song.
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
Love it
I missed the original but have seen the references. It was good to see the synopsis. A couple of comments, the IBB to Albert certainly needs to be banned/severly punished, the Wave banned, and I vote “pub song”.
Oh, and it only rains in Albertofstan in the mornings or on off-days and the highs are always in the 70’s.
80's.
But no humidity.
Who needs affection when you can have blind hatred?
by ClemsonGirl on Jan 29, 2010 11:55 AM EST up reply actions
Yeah, OK, I thought about that.
How about highs in the 80’s in the summer, 60’s during the playoffs.
by ArkansasTravs on Jan 29, 2010 6:22 PM EST up reply actions
Cold?
Try 20. That’s what Michigan’s HIGHS are.
Check out my sports blog!
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Follow me on Twitter: @zoomzoomj88
SIGN FELIPE LOPEZ & JOHN SMOLTZ!
by zoomzoomj88 on Jan 30, 2010 12:59 PM EST up reply actions
In Albertofstan, the season is 320 games long.
With a week off between the WS and spring training.
Albertofstan.
F* Yeah!
by Bring Back Tommy Herr! on Jan 29, 2010 12:42 PM EST reply actions
But, because of the rich diet of pies, the players never fatigue.
Albertofstan.
F* Yeah!
by Bring Back Tommy Herr! on Jan 29, 2010 12:42 PM EST up reply actions
They eat the currency?!?!
Well, I guess it keeps inflation down.
"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is ALBERT when I lay my vengeance upon thee." -The Bible
by Cardinals645 on Jan 29, 2010 1:09 PM EST up reply actions
Damn it
Im trying to imagine what the Albertofstan National Bank would look like.
In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his recievers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! "I hope I'll be safe at home!"
-George Carlin (RIP)
I've seen their security
armored shipments
snipers
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
by Yadi2Second on Jan 29, 2010 5:16 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
lol
Security officers are armed with luggage at all times?
In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his recievers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! "I hope I'll be safe at home!"
-George Carlin (RIP)
yeah, see there between the two guys and the one guy
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
by Yadi2Second on Jan 30, 2010 12:46 PM EST up reply actions
Ahhhh
Gotta keep your luggage on you, never know if someone needs some lessons in albertofstan law.
In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his recievers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! "I hope I'll be safe at home!"
-George Carlin (RIP)
are minor offenses punished by spantsing?
or do I have it backwards?
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
Oh no no
The Luggage is the law of the land, all are answerable to luggage, and luggage punishes those who break all laws.
In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his recievers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! "I hope I'll be safe at home!"
-George Carlin (RIP)
Albertofstan Pledge of Allegiance
I pledge allegiance to the Mange,
and to the Cardinals for which he stands,
one nation under GOB, indivisable, with
dingers and pies for all.
by swmofan on Jan 29, 2010 4:12 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
The movie theaters show films that are shown elsewhere, but
they all have matinees of the following, on a rotating basis:
Bull Durham
Field of Dreams
The Bad News Bears
The Sandlot
Bang the Drum Slowly
Eight Men Out
Don’t Look Back: The Story of Leroy “Satchel” Paige
Major League
Long Gone
The Pride of the Yankees (I know, I know, but it’s Lou Gehrig, for Pete’s sake!)
A League of Their Own
The Natural
The Pride of St. Louis (truly, not a good film, but hey!)
Time for a new sig.
by ISawGodInGibby'sRightArm on Jan 30, 2010 12:58 AM EST reply actions
is bang the drum...
the one about jimmy piersall, with anthony perkins?
"Some days I feel like the hypotenuse in a love triangle; others as if my lucky number is pi."
Nope
That one is called Fear Strikes Out, and I probably should have included it, but I find it a little maudlin. Bang the Drum Slowly is a 70’s film based on a book written in the 50’s. Stars Michael Moriarty and Robert De Niro as the star pitcher and (essentially) back-up catcher, respectively, for a fictitious MLB team, the New York Mammoths. It is my favorite baseball movie, and was far and away the most realistic film about baseball until Bull Durham came out in the late 80’s. It is funny and sad, and has a game called TEGWAR that some of the ball players and coaches play with unsuspecting players. The ending line has always stayed with me: “From here on in, I rag nobody.”
Time for a new sig.
by ISawGodInGibby'sRightArm on Jan 30, 2010 10:21 PM EST reply actions
*reply fail
Time for a new sig.
by ISawGodInGibby'sRightArm on Jan 30, 2010 10:21 PM EST up reply actions
I posted this on the Facebook page, but I will repost here
My proposed preamble to the Albertofstan Constitution*:
We the people of Albertofstan, in order to form a baseball heaven, establish the sanctity of baseball, insure Chris Carpenter’s luggage, provide pies, promote sabermetrics, and secure ridiculousness to Albert Pujols, do ordain and establish this Constitution of Albertofstan.
*slightly modified from the original, so as to cleanse it of unwanted memes.
"I knew they were up to shenanigans." --TLR
by IHeartBoog on Jan 31, 2010 12:26 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
is it insure or ensure?
"It was like two ankles." AVENGE BOOG
"But listen, and understand: more Molinas are out there. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear." - THT
Depends on what she means
If she wants to make sure that any broken luggage gets replaced, then insure would be the word; if she wants to make sure that luggage is close to hand whenever Chris or the security officers might need it, or to protect the inviolability of the luggage, then it would be ensure.
Time for a new sig.
by ISawGodInGibby'sRightArm on Jan 31, 2010 3:17 PM EST up reply actions
insure.
we can’t let anything happen to the luggage, lest luddy need some motivation again. but I agree that we should probably do both.
"I knew they were up to shenanigans." --TLR
The memes are fine with me.
Robots carry less pull in Albertofstan…
"When I knocked a guy down, there was no second part to the story." - Bob Gibson
This sums up the problem with Memes in the Constitution:
McCulloch v. Maryland (1819): ‘We must never forget that it is a Constitution we are expounding…intended to endure for ages to come, and consequently to be adapted to the various crises of human affairs’ "
So what you're saying is that since he's a robot his opinions don't count?
"The two most important things in life: good friends and a strong bullpen." - Bob Gibson
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