Mustaches: A SABR Perspective

Sure, the team mustache thing is beautiful in and of itself, but I really wondered what kind of effect we could expect on the field.

Unfortunately, few researchers have been bold enough to consider the mustache when constructing advanced metrics.  Voros McCracken went so far as to suggest mustaches skewed other data when he created MIPS, or Mustache Independent Pitching Statistics.

But setting aside the empirical, the anecdotal evidence is overwhelming.

Rollie Fingers: Mustache
Willie Stargell: Mustache
Cap Anson: Racist Mustache

Further, my own attempts to reverse engineer Nate Silver's PECOTA system suggest that mustaches play a major role in those projections.  The copstache / pornstache often indicates improved command of the strike zone, while the toothbrush can signal decreased playing time due to ineffectiveness or injury.  It is harder to determine the effects of the Handlebar, the Imperial, the Hungarian and the Chevron.

Good news for Colby Rasmus - the Peach Fuzz often accompanies a sustained offensive surge and/or new, strange feelings about girls.

I hope to see more research done in this important field.  Tracking of mustache related performance seems like a natural for FanGraphs, though my letters suggesting such have neither been acknowledged nor returned.  In the meantime, kudos to those Cardinals who are sporting mustaches, and may all right-thinking fans do the same (unless, like me, you just don't look very good with one).