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* This is Chris Carpenter. Don't try to run.

* Chris Carpenter has surgery scars on one arm. He has a tattoo on the other. Update: four tattoos. And counting.

* Only Jason LaRue is man enough to hang out with Chris Carpenter.

* During the pre-season starter’s meeting, each pitcher was asked for his goal for the season. Chris Carpenter said: ’We’re going to be on the same page from Day One. We’re going to go out and watch sides. We’re going to do things the way we used to do it. We’re going to do things as a group.' The St. Louis starters have been a team-within-the-team all season long.

* Any starter who misses a teammate’s side session can expect to pay a price.

* It has been reported that Chris Carpenter sets the tone in the clubhouse. Chris Carpenter is there for his teammates — pitchers and position players alike.

* Chris Carpenter says he can and will "kick a little ass" as necessary. It is rumored that this is an understatement.

* During a hot tub soak, Chris Carpenter listened to Skip Schumaker’s doubts about switching to second base, and proceeded to call him his "All-Star second baseman". This season, Schumaker has been brought in as a defensive substitution at second base.

* Around May, Chris Carpenter detected a flaw in Adam Wainwright’s mechanics. Adam Wainwright is now a contender in the NL Cy Young race.

* Chris Carpenter only went along with the mustache conspiracy on the condition that he won the next start.

If you're going to sit there and concern yourself and cry every day about where you're at and what's going on, you're never going to make it. You deal with injuries and you move on. What other choice is there? I'm not going to sit there rehabbing my elbow for 12 months trying to figure out how to pitch if I'm throwing 86 [mph].
... It's a super-simple way to live life. It's a nice way. Either I can do it or I can't. If you can, you figure out a way to get it done. If not, go home.

* Chris Carpenter is so intense during his starts that he shows few emotions besides smoldering rage.

* Only Adam Wainwright is cyborg enough to imitate Chris Carpenter’s rare shows of emotion… and live.

* Once, Chris Carpenter applied a tag at first base, did not get the call, and sprinted back to the mound to prevent himself from taking out the first base umpire.

* Minutes later, Yadi had to restrain him when the ump eyeballed him walking back to the dugout. Carp was snapping: "Are you looking at me? Why are you looking at me?"

* Chris Carpenter does not tolerate foolishness from the media.

* Chris Carpenter is annoyed when his teammates take too much time tossing the ball around between batters.

* Chris Carpenter is annoyed by ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ for the same reason.

* Once, Homer Bailey caused a delay of game as he strolled out from the bullpen. Carpenter was not happy. Minutes later, an Albert Pujols line drive met up with Homer Bailey.

* Once, a fan fell out of the stands and Albert Pujols had to save his neck, and Chris Carpenter was annoyed by that delay.

* Mark DeRosa was leery of his reception in St. Louis because the last time he saw Chris Carpenter, he was screaming at him from the mound during an interleague game.

* Chris Carpenter entertained the notion of giving up his number to John Smoltz. John Smoltz took another number.

* John Smoltz credits Chris Carpenter for identifying some of his mechanical flaws and pitch-tipping.

* Chris Carpenter watched prospect Shelby Miller throw from Dave Duncan’s traditional spot in the pitching coach’s absence. He also began working with Mitchell Boggs on his delivery.

* Once, Chris Carpenter had a four minute half-inning. Minutes later, after the Cardinals saw nineteen pitches, Chris Carpenter hit his first home run: a grand slam. Eight pitches later, the inning ended.

* Chris Carpenter called that shot.

* Last but not least: we don’t talk about Chris Carpenter.

Unless it’s a certain situation late when you can lose the game or change the game I’m going to come after you. I’m not wasting pitches. I’m trying to get strike one, strike two, strike three as fast as I can, or get you to put the ball in play and let my guys work behind me. When you do that it puts (the defense) on the offensive. You’ve got to make a decision what you’re going to do. That’s when it gets fun.