[Update by azruavatar: 1:10am] I'm not going to even attempt to compete with the hilarity of this "interview". Huge props to Hinkster and this deserves front page status. I'll wrap up my review of the NL Central next week with the Cubs. Have a good friday and stay safe in the nasty weather around the STL area. [/end update]

Last week, new Cardinal GM, John Mozeliak, graciously agreed to sit down with the Hinkster to answer a few questions for VEB.  Here, unedited, is the first ever public interview with the man known simply as Mo.

Thanks for the interview.  Why now?  Why me?

"Mr. DeWitt and Mr. LaRussa insisted that I not speak publicly for the first year or two but I figured this was okay since I heard them say VEB was irrelevant.  I chose you, Hinkster, because you seem to understand my inner child plus my mom likes you."

Your name......should we call you John or Mo?  

"I actually prefer, "Mr. Big Balls" since I traded both Edmonds and Rolen thank you very much.  But Mo will be fine."

Okay, Mo.  Any reverberations from those trades?

"The real change was in what stopped coming my way.  The nasty-grams from Rolen stopped as well as the non-stop ridicule from Cashman and Epstein.  I believe I finally got a little overdue respect because I got a lot of voicemails from GMs wondering if I needed to get rid of anyone else."

What was the most difficult part of taking over for your former boss, Walt Jocketty?

The toughest part was just getting to the desk.  The office was jammed with stacks and stacks of back-loaded contracts.  Getting rid of those has been a nightmare but I can now see across the room.

Speaking of Walt, how's our old friend doing?

"I think he's really enjoying keeping a watchful eye on Wayne and Dusty.  We talk a lot.  He's got a bunch of really good relievers and he needs an everyday first baseman so I think there's a logical basis for a trade with us.  I trust him.  We'll see."

Are you happy with your first off-season?

"Wasdin, Brazelton, Itzuris, Miles, Clement, Politte, Freese, Flores, Piniero, LaRue, Villone, Barton, Jimenez and Juan Gonzalez............I think those names speak for themselves."

Best thing to happen to you so far as Cardinal GM?

"Easy......... the Miguel Cairo signing in Seattle....that eased a lot of daily pressure."

Who are your heroes?

Other than lboros, I'd say houstoncardinal, the red baron, Hardcore Legend, gdm426, the ol Goaler, liam, Zubin and erik.  Since I don't have any real friends, I like to think of these guys as my imaginary buddies.   I get most of my vast medical knowledge from a guy known as SilentBob.  I really like the name azruavator but I still can't pronounce it.  I'm kind of curious about jillsinmo and cardsgirl95 but don't tell my wife. You will edit this won't you?"

What do you think of Idaho?

"Never been there"

Do people really not recognize you in public?

They didn't at first but they are beginning to.  I love the creative nicknames I'm starting to hear.  My favorites so far are "The Ass who traded Jed" and "DD" (DeWallet's DeButler).

How do you see yourself as a GM?

I'd like to think of myself as a trend-setter.  For example, I see a time where we once again use starting pitchers in our rotation.  I see a time when the pitcher might bat seventh.  I see a day where we once again have a lead-off hitter.  I guess I'm kind of like a white Martin Luther King.  I have a dream.

What DO you dream about?

Getting to wear a uniform at least once....sitting in the dugout and flashing a bunch of cryptic signals to Jose Oquendo with an indifferent look on my face....clapping, spitting, making secret notations in my dugout charts.....maybe someday even making a double switch or getting to alter the big line-up card on the wall at the end of the dugout.....Mr. LaRussa said he'd work on it if I kept doing a good job.

What do you do in your down-time?

I'm trying to learn Spanish so I can figure out what Oquendo, Pujols and Molina are saying about me when I walk through the clubhouse and why they laugh so loudly afterwards.  I'm also a big history buff.  I think we can learn a lot about the future by studying the past.  For example, did you know that every era of Cardinal greatness has been followed by an immediate period of completely forgettable baseball.........wait a minute, I don't know where I'm going with this.....just forget this question.....okay?

What worries you?

I worry about Jeff Luhnow, guys like Tim Purpura, being put in charge of Lake DeWitt and running into Dave Duncan in a dark alley.  I don't mess with his pitchers.  I don't go near the mound, the bullpen or his secret charts.  I don't even look in his direction.  He scares me.

What excites you?

Mr. DeWitt's private plane is really cool.  I got to sit up front one time and pretend to fly the plane. (kinda like my job)  All the free soda you can drink plus popcorn, spicy chex mix, and those real linen napkins.......I did not like carrying everyone's bags to and from the plane but I understand it's some kind of baseball tradition thing for rookie GMs.

What's the most stressful part of your job?

"I'd say it's keeping up with the key to that lockbox where we keep all those photos that Aaron Miles keeps sending along with threatening notes.  I've been told never to talk about it and never let that key leave my sight."

Lots of changes this spring training.  Which one excites you the most?

"Anthony Reyes with a curved bill hat.  You know, everyone was waiting for me to trade AR but I like to surprise people. It would be great to see his tattoos, jewelry, high socks, and SoCal attitude all disappear - as well as some of those fifth inning line drives off the wall.  Maybe we could even see him miss a bat or two this year."

What are you most looking forward to about spring training?

"Other than the plane ride, I guess it's the little things.  Like Mark Worrell.  Who knew he was still pitching?  He has always been one of my favorites.  I still say his foot was on the bag first.  I'm looking forward to meeting him."

Any big trades in the works?

"Yeah, there's lots of cool stuff going on but it's all top secret.  Heck, I don't even know until right before the press conference.  But they do give me enough heads up to wear my nice suit and get my hair done.  Sometimes I even get to talk at the press conference."

Thanks so much for your time, Mo.  Anything else you'd like to say to the folks at VEB?

"Yeah, thanks for your support and for those posts where you explain those complicated sabrematrics terms.  The charts, graphs and videos are very helpful too.  If you can continue to make them easy to cut and paste onto my Power Point slides, that would be great.  Oh, and one other thing..........if you could look up my photo on the team website, memorize what I look like and then acknowledge me in public - that would be great and a huge encouragement.  I've been working on my fancy autograph in case anyone ever asks.  Send your questions and comments to my pal, Hinkster, I'll be watching and I'll be back."