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Mo's Diary III

6am - woke up from a nightmare that I had only signed Larue, Brazelton, Wasdin and Itzuris

6:01 - got out of bed, very nervous for some reason

6:30 - get to office early, gotta show some leadership and get on top of this TLR, Rolen thing

6:35 - Mom calls, says she's never heard of any of these guys I've signed.....wants to know if I saw Dolly Parton at the Opryland Hotel....I tell her no but that Cashman and Epstein were making fun of me in Nashville by seeing who could make me the most ridiculous offer....then they nicknamed me and Luhnow "rock and a hard place"

7am - Read the papers and see Strauss quote on how I attempted to broker a deal between TLR and Rolen - sounds good but the truth is I drove all the way to Scott's home in Jasper IN only to be shot at - fly out to SF, TLR shows me a letter where Scotty threatens to buy all the shelter animals and use them as target practice on farm in Jasper

7:15am - call WJ for advice but can't understand him because he's laughing so hard

7:30am - FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS...I have an MBA, I'm a GM, I was interviewed on ESPN, I have a private bathroom and sometimes I get to ride for free on Bill's private plane......surely I can brainstorm my way out of this mess

  • set up a Jupiter spring training pay-per-view cage match fight to the death between TLR and Rolen....buy pitching with the profits
  • bring back Mitchell Page...if I can get them drinking.....
  • draw a big circle around third base area where TLR is not allowed to enter....have Time Out chair in far end of dugout for Rolen
  • Trade them both to the Nats...hee hee
  • Change their uniform numbers to confuse and distract everyone
  • Get Duncans to beat the hell out of both of them
  • Broker a deal where silence is required but every time Rolen pops up, TLR gets one free na-nana-boo-boo
  • Let Paletta operate on both of them
  • Ban double switches and LOOGYs until TLR apologizes
  • Maybe the folks at VEB will have some ideas
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