Mo - Dear Diary II

Another day in the life of new Card GM John Mozeliak

Arrived in the office this morning to find Miguel Cairo furiously doing one-armed push-ups on my desk........gotta get better security around here

Check voicemail

  • Luhnow complaining that Dunc won't let him see his secret dugout tracking journals and that Dunc threatened to kick his ass if any Luhnowtics ever touched his tell the truth, I'm kinda scared of Dunc myself
  • Dave Littlefield called looking for a job....I don't think so
  • Rolen's agent called....said he sent a dozen Omaha Steaks to TLR as a peace offering
  • Bud Selig called......he wants to be honored at 2009 all-star game
  • Ozzie called to say he is being disrespected by the new administration.....whatever
  • Garrett Stephenson called.....he wants to mentor AR.....who is Garrett Stephenson?
  • MLB players union reminding us we now must provide I-Pods, lap-tops, Treos, BOSE headsets, 24/7 Starbucks and fuzzy slippers for all players
  • ebay called, they want to know if I want to bid on domain name
  • Bernie calls to verify rumor that we might trade so and so....."Hey, Bernie, the ship's on fire - anything's possible! Can we trade you for a writer TBNL?".....oh how I'd love to say that

    Log on to VEB for new ideas........what is "pitch to contact"? you pronounce azruavator?.....what does VORP mean?......what if lboros is really Luhnow?

    Call Albert to see if he needs anything delivered to his home today

    Check the medical, these injured pitchers have it made....don't lift a finger for a year and still get paid (alot more than me)....gotta get me some of that action

    Doctor calls to see if I am still having those nightmares about Purpura and DePodesta

    Check ESPN FA tracker for shortstops.....looks like its Eckstein or..........maybe Barry Larkin.....think briefly about Miguel Cairo

    Take call from the Marlins....they are ready to move Cabrera for Duncan, Reyes, Rasmus, Anderson, Garcia, some cash and a new stadium

    Check email

  • Rolen insisting he not have to speak to TLR
  • Reyes insisting he not have to speak to Dunc
  • Dunc insisting he not have to speak to anyone
  • TLR insisting I give him hourly updates  
  • short message from DeWitt...."Honeymoon's Over"
  • Reach for Maalox, Tums and some nicorette

    Read 5 page report from Luhnow telling me that Miles is batting .373 against left-handers over six feet tall when playing under a full moon on Tuesdays in June

    Crisis of the day....evidently Ernie Hays has locked himself in his stadium organ room threatening to play The Budweiser song non-stop until we promise not to play rock music between innings.....

    Check the budget change.......feel like I'm shopping at Costco with a ten dollar bill for living room furniture and a new it too early for a drink?

    Open Hickory Farms Holiday gift pack from agent of Wells and Maroth

    Decide to take a walk for fresh air......see banner hanging from Arch that reads, "Please hire me!  Miguel Cairo"..............I need personal security

    Duck into a bar for one recognizes me.....getting lonely, I tell the bartender that I'm John Mozeliak....he doesn't believe me and asks me to pay for the beer upfront

    See Whitey and Trader Jack McKeon drinking at the end of the bar.....they tell me they feel sorry for me but not to worry because I'm competing against morons like Dusty Baker and Wayne Krivsky

    Back to the office......feeling a bit more confident and thinking about trading with the Reds

    Look in the mirror in my private bathroom and think, "By golly, Mom's right.  I am not a puppet and I can do this job!  I will show them!"  Just a quick prayer before I hit the phones again......."Dear God, I am so thankful that Chris Antonetti bought my line about this job being impossible.  Now please make it possible."

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