You spent too much time at VEB when..

by rocKStark5 on Nov 13, 2007 6:54 PM EST Comment 25 comments

You spend an hour creating a complex formula to determine a prospect job's Value Over Replacement Level...(true story)
You did the same to your friends and girlfriend (another true story).
Instead of rating a girl from 1-10 you found a way to do it by WARP3.
You have a pet named Walt-Lite...it's name used to be Antonetti.
Somebody called an employee "below replacement level" and you knew exactly what they meant.
You refer to "breaking up" as "putting her out on waivers".
You asked your girlfriend if she'd waive her no trade clause for a high upside prospect.
...you actually have a contract with a no trade clause with your girlfriend.
You refer to the hottest girl at the bar as having "top of the rotation stuff".
You roll your eyes when somebody uses a baseball cliche like "thew me a curve ball" because you have more advance puns that are park adjusted.
Your girlfriend constantly asks "What is in Memphis and why are you always trying to send me there?"
2am at the bar rolls around and you refer to it as "shopping around the waiver wire for a duncan special" (I know bobbyballgame can relate to that one).
A hot girl comes onto you and your knee jerk reply to her is "I'm not giving up Rasmus".
.....

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13.

You refer to "getting a girls number" as "plugging her into your roster matrix".

2006 Cardinals- An underdog story

by Born in 82 on Nov 13, 2007 6:53 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

And that's a winner!

Nice.

I can't think of a good offseason signature.

by effin fisk on Nov 13, 2007 7:08 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

14

You compare people in your life to a pitching staff. Dad is the ace, annoying brother is just in the competition to be the 5th starter, and you are a hotshot prospect with electric stuff.

The hot stove is burning...

by cardzfan24 on Nov 13, 2007 6:59 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

15.

I once described my wife to a fellow baseball friend when asked to describe her, "She has all 5 tools."

The hot stove is burning...

by cardzfan24 on Nov 13, 2007 7:00 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

You and your friends have created an elaborate female rating system based off of those 5 tools that correspond to female attributes (and even others like clubhouse presence, clutch and plate discipline).

You then consequently come up with a "best comp" player which then becomes that female's permanent nickname.

If said girl happens to become your girlfriend (unlikely for anyone developing this system though apparently possible), you eventually inform her of her nickname and the VEBness has seeped from you via simple diffusion to her....so she thinks it's funny not creepy and consequently takes far too much interest in that actual player. I wonder if my ex still likes Alfonso Soriano...man that power/speed combo was fun before the defense took became intolerable.

Cheeseburger in paradise.

by joker24 on Nov 13, 2007 10:31 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

16

When reading #3 on your list you immediately thought that HOTNESS+ was by far a better stat for measuring looks.

The hot stove is burning...

by cardzfan24 on Nov 13, 2007 7:03 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

17

your best friend is thinking of proposing marriage to his girlfriend. you respond, "yeah, sure, you'll be getting her age 24-36 years at a reasonable price, but won't you be massively overpaying during the latter years of the contract?"

by kindred on Nov 13, 2007 7:06 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

That's Funny

And number 11 might be the dirtiest joke ever told on this website.

by liam on Nov 14, 2007 3:23 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

nice

i had to go back and look at 11, and yes, on further review, and seeing it as you are seeing it, yes that was one of the dirtiest things said on this site; but very damn funny

Pujols is the greatest Cardinal in my lifetime.

by bigcardsfan5 on Nov 14, 2007 6:48 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

18

You read the first 17 of these and you laugh your ass off.

How about handin' me another helpin' of those mashed taters...thank you very much!

by Elvis on Nov 13, 2007 8:24 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

19

your short, thin girlfriend refers to herself as "small but scrappy." you immediately resist the urge to start calling her "eckstein," for fear it would stick.

Hello, playoff watching

by nycbirdo on Nov 13, 2007 9:27 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

20

you lose the shift key on your keyboard.

by TICY on Nov 13, 2007 10:17 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

21

Your cat is named David Eckstein*

* This is true.

"A great catch is like watching girls go by; the last one you see is always the prettiest." - Bob Gibson

by stl tyler on Nov 13, 2007 10:24 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

21

You would fight Aaron Miles if you saw him in the street b/c of his role in the JFK Assasination.

by redbirdnation8206 on Nov 13, 2007 10:30 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

22

you refer to you and your buddy at the bar not as your wingmen, but as a battery

by joecardsfan on Nov 13, 2007 10:30 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

22

you refer to you and your buddy at the bar not as wingmen, but as a battery

by joecardsfan on Nov 13, 2007 10:32 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

23

you ask your wife for sex and she tells you she is on the 15 day disabled list.........then you know she's been on VEB

by ridgesee on Nov 13, 2007 10:51 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

24

You don't use the word luck. Instead you refer to "non-predictive events" (This one is true.)

The St. Louis Cardinals- 11 time World Champions!

by Zubin on Nov 13, 2007 10:59 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

#12 is pure brilliance

$20 bucks says MO has something like this as his voice mail message.

"you've reached new Cards GM MO. I'm not trading Rasmus. Rolen on the other hand is totally different story. please leave me a message including players & or prospects you'd be willing to swap & i'll get back to you as soon as i talk it over with Tony. thanks."

I'm going to go try to find a puppy and kick it. - Brad Thompson And That's A Winner!

by gdm426 on Nov 13, 2007 11:02 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I think

that Mo's answering machine actually says "PLEASE TAKE ROLEN OFF OF MY HANDS!!! PRETTY PLEASE W/ A CHERRY ON TOP!!! GARST, AM I ACTUALLY A GM OF A PRO TEAM?!?!"

by redbirdnation8206 on Nov 13, 2007 11:33 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

25

You know how much you spend on your girlfriend/wife, and you realize that it may be alot right now, but in a few years it will be below market value.

Cardinal fan in War Eagle land

by Mr Redbird on Nov 13, 2007 11:32 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

25

When you use terms like VORP in a business meeting to describe personnel moves.

there is no secret weapon...there is only Oquendo.

by bukowski on Nov 13, 2007 11:37 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

"Value over replacement personnel"

That is excellent. I'll have to bring that up in my next review!

The St. Louis Cardinals- 11 time World Champions!

by Zubin on Nov 14, 2007 1:15 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

You find yourself driving to work

and let out a loud chuckle when you remember the Cincy game of 2006 in which a VEB'er announced that his/her cat was named "Izzy's Cutter" because the tail is the last thing you see as it goes over the fence.

In the immortal words of that idiot Jim Rome, "Caaaaa-laassic"

"Well, you wait for a strike. Then you knock the shit out of it. - Musial to Flood on how to hit a curveball

by Hardcore Legend on Nov 14, 2007 1:17 AM EST reply actions 0 recs