Gary Bennett's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Gary Bennett counted to infinity - twice.

Gary Bennett can speak braille.  

Gary Bennett does not sleep. He waits.

Superman owns a pair of Gary Bennett pajamas.

Gary Bennett died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Gary Bennett is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Gary Bennett

Gary Bennett can slam revolving doors.

Gary Bennett was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Gary Bennett says its beef, then it's fucking beef.  

Gary Bennett doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

Gary Bennett's wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."  

Once a cobra bit Gary Bennett's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.  

When Gary Bennett falls in water, Gary Bennett doesn't get wet. Water gets Gary Bennett.

Gary Bennett doesn't read books: he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Gary Bennett can divide by zero.

Gary Bennett doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Gary Bennett is Gary Bennett.

When Gary Bennett does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.  

Gary Bennett built a time machine and traveled back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck deflected all three bullets with his goatee. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Gary Bennett does not get frostbite. Gary Bennett bites frost.

Gary Bennett's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Gary Bennett has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Gary Bennett once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.