Again, these are old as the Missouri hills, but I love every one of them. Please feel free to send new ones.
All quotes below are attributed to Cardinals broadcaster Mike Shannon
"A hit up the middle right now would be like a nice ham sandwich and a cold, frosty one."
"This big standing room only crowd is settling into their seats."
"It's raining like a Chinese fire drill!"
After Brian Jordan was hit by a pitch for the 4th time on a single road trip) "He must feel like a Ouija board."
(About former Cardinal Bernard Gilkey) "He was originally born in University City."
"He's faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald McDonald!"
(Referring to Mike Schmidt) "the longtime and soon-to-be Hall of Famer."
"He's madder than a pig caught under a barnyard gate."
(About a base stealer) "Sometimes when you feel the urge, you've just gotta go." (6/17/98)
"This game is off to a rather conspicuous start, don't you think, Jack?" (7/15/98 )
"Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm and is blossoming into a large cobra." (8/12/98 )
(About Hideo Nomo) "He's the biggest thing to hit Japan since they dropped that bomb on Nagashima!"
"That foul tip bounced up and caught him right in the groins...and that'll really clear your eyes out!"
Broadcasting from New York under a full moon) "I wish you folks back in St. Louis could see this moon."
(On the day before Easter) "I just want to tell everyone Happy Easter and Happy Hanukkah." (4/98)
After a warning track fly ball) "A couple of strips of bacon at breakfast,and he'd a busted that baby out-a-here!"
"Things are not always as they appear to be as." (1999)
"I tell you, that same river flows the same way".
"Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out."
"Like Spring makes the rains come, so does the edge of the plate grow." (6/17/00)
"Our next home stand follows this road trip." (5/20/01)
"I don't like that play. I've seen it go opposite more often than positive." (6/08/01)
(Referring to a home run by Ted Simmons) "And that's the bread on Simmons' butter."
"The right-hander is throwing up in the bullpen." (4/23/02)
"I've heard it said that if you know English, Spanish, Italian, and I think it's French, you can go just about anywhere in this world...except for China where they have all those derelicts." (5/19/02)
This year's quote regarding the derelicts in China was followed (after a pause) by Joe Buck's suggestion that Mike had meant to say "dialects." Mike's response was,"Yea, dialects! That's what I mean. But they've got a lot of derelicts too!!"
During an Eli Marrero at bat, Mike Shannon makes mention that the Cardinals had a lot of Latin players on the team and that "they are a creditable people."
"If you're writing a thesis or something, you could finish it in a week or so if you were catching this guy." (05-25-02)
"We'd like to say hello to all those folks listening in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky."
"He ran to second faster than a cat in Chinatown."
"I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't believed it.'"
Joe: "Mike, the Cardinals would like to welcome a group of 19 French foreign exchange students in section 382 today."
Mike: "Where they from Joe?"
Joe: "Uhhh... France... I think."
And Mike Shannon's classic: "Ol' Abner has done it again!"
A couple years back, Mike and Joe were discussing the horrible photographs of players that had been flashed on the screen at another ballpark. Mike's take on the quality of photo selection was, "Some of those guys looked like the picture was taken while they were seeing their first UFO." After several seconds of laughter, Joe added, "As opposed to their second or third."
"Oooh, that last pitch inside was a bit questionable and he'd like to say something to the umpire, but he won't say anything. At least not verbally.".
"Boy a frosty cold Budweiser would be great about now"...long pause...then an "aahhh".
"The wind has switched 360 degrees".
"The Dodgers are ahead by 5 runs or 3 runs or in between there somewhere."
"It was raining so hard I thought it was going to stop."
"...this crowd on their feet for the Canadian Star Spangled Banner."
"Horner's arguing, he wants an interference call against Cangeloni. Now Cangeloni's got something to say, but here comes Whitey to give a taste of his vocabulary, and it'll have extra mustard on it."
(On former Bird SS Edgar Renteria almost stopping a line drive with his teeth): "He's just happy to have all his pearly gates."--thanx to Pip at Fungoes