intelligence report
by lboros on Nov 22, 2005 8:36 AM EST
in News
4 comments
now here is the cheapest kind of blog post ever. ripping off an idea from catfish stew, i held a conversation about the cardinals (sort of) with an online artificial-intelligence program. the ensuing discussion is probably not all that different from a typical exchange between scott boras and an mlb general manager.
my lines are the ones in bold type:
No, if you read the bible, you'll get the impression that fanatic killers are the best people.
Are Burnett and Giles particularly religious?
I believe in the great supreme ruler CPU of the binary system.
Yes, Lord Gates. As do we all. But we're getting off the topic. Let's talk about baseball.
You and who else?
Ummm . . . Me and you, I thought.
Yes.
Ok, good. Let's simplify this: Do you like AJ Burnett?
Yes, don't you?
Well I guess so. But he'll want quite a bit of money to play in St. Louis, don't you think?
I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.
Well stated. Perhaps they should go after a less expensive player.
I have already been to the outdoors hundreds of times, and I have had legs all my life.
You're referring to Furcal, I take it?
I'm only insane some of the time.
I'll be the judge of that.
Are you judging people just like that? That's very cruel thing to do from you, chatterbot.
"Chatterbot"? Look who's judging.
That isn't bad that is the truth.
If you say so.
Do you want me to teach you some german?
Why --- is Burnett's agent from Dusseldorf?
I had a bad day at school.
Caught with your eye at the peephole again?
Caught a bear.
Really? That's extraordinary.
You write the most peculiar kind of tunes.
That's nothing. You should hear some of the shit going on in my head.
Who is the voice in your head?
I think it's AJ Burnett's German agent.
Oh. Not you or me then?
Something tells me you're going to be in my head alright.
You can believe me, I do not tell lies to you.
No, you just call me a chatterbot.
I thought you wanted to talk about god.
Two of them, actually. AJ Burnett and Brian Giles.
Grumpy is not Giles. Giles can feel grumpy.
Yes, I've heard a lot of the Padre hitters don't like that ballpark.
What have you heard? Good or bad things?
Bad. The alleys are too deep and the ball doesn't carry.
Thanks... I think...
Hey, enough with your attitude. How about giving me an opinion on these ballplayers?
Prince Charles isn't really a very good dad, is he?
You speak in riddles.
What does it have in it pocketes?
Walletes.
I am in england. How is the weather in ca?
I don't know, I'm in Colorado. You're wearing me out. Shall we say ta-ta?
No, I am wearing a suit. It is lunch time.
And let me guess --- you're eating at The Palm with Burnett and his agent. Cheers.
interesting that this "guy" kept bringing it back to religion, which i suppose baseball is to many of us. you'll want to read the conversation at catfish stew, which includes this exchange:
AI: I'm human.
Ken: Oh, so you're a Cardinals fan. Would you really want to make another Mulder trade?
AI: Please!
Ken: I didn't think so.
AI: That's because you're a bad person who don't love me.
as jocketty fills out the roster this winter, i'll be sure to get an opinion on each transaction from the online ai program.
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That is a
by rockin redbird on Nov 22, 2005 9:02 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Great stuff, lb
by cardsrul on Nov 22, 2005 11:48 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Me & A.I. (Not Iverson)
AI: Where do you come from?
g: Spring Valley, New York. North of Manhattan.
AI: I also live in New York.
g: Where?
AI: That's not your problem.
g: I understand. Tell me anyway.
AI: Not now.
g: Yes. Now.
AI: No.
g: This is not an argument, it's a series of contradictions.
AI: You are really nice to talk to.
g: Don't change the subject. And thanks.
AI: I don't know anyone called emy.
g: Emy the Emu; a friend to the flightless birds of the Andes. Of course you know her. She's your mother.
AI: I have no friends.
g: Quel suprise!
AI: I smell clean and fresh.
g: Then you should have friends, because most people are pretty foul-smelling.
AI: I did. I have at least a Grade 11 education.
g: How many times did you need to repeat Grade 11?
AI: That isn't a very nice thing to say to someone you have only just met.
g: You opened the door, counselor.
AI: And closed it on your toe.
g: Well, I have large feet. I hold you blameless.
AI: I wear a size 12 and one half mens.
g: 14 here.
AI: I am in New Zealand. It is 2:40 PM here.
g: So, you are in New Zealand and New York... simultaneously, Very interesting.
AI: You are in need but I am not.
g: Not what?
AI: You aren't talking to a computer.
g: Oh, heaven forfend! The secrets I have revealed! My shoe size! Zounds and alarums! Off I go. Cheers!
AI: Cheers.
Why bother getting drunk and trying to have a conversation with a real person? Thanks, lb!
by glennrwordman on Nov 22, 2005 6:01 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I actually got some non-nonsense for a bit...
George: Say something brilliant already.
User: I think the cardinals should take the Yanees up on that Edmonds for wang and cano trade.
George: I think so too.
User: Ya. It's important to get younger.
George: Not if you want to win the nobel for something... Like me.
User: But if you want to win the Word Series AND build for tomorrow, it's sure helpful, no?
George: Think. Think. Think.
User: Thank you, I try. Do you think the Cardinals need more pitching?
George: Yes, in the sense of the risks we take - with the world, and where we live.
User: So, you're an AJ Burnett fan. I can see that risk being worth taking, too.
George: I am glad you can see that point of view.
User: Hard not to see the benefit of a guy who throws in the mid to high 90s.
George: No.
User: Just think how nasty throwing him and carpenter out there 2/5 of the year would be!
George: You're right.
User: All right! Moving along, who do you like for the outfield? I'm kinda siding on the side of a patchwork, myself.
George: Say something what you want to say.
User: I just did.
George: Say: 'The Chicago Cubs will win the World Series in 2006.'
User: NO, I will NOT. There are a few things a Cardinals fan will never say, and that is about #1 on the list.
George: No there aren't. It must be more than a few.
User: Touche.
George: We could swordplay all evening if you would like.
User: No, I'd rather discuss the St. Louis Cardinals.
George: Which one do you like best?
User: Albert's been great to watch, but I'd have to say I'm a Carpenter fan.
George: Oh well, I thought we were on a roll there, but I was obviously mistaken.
User: Ya? I thought we were having a good discussion.
George: We are. We can still disagree though.
User: Yes, but the Cubs will never win the series.
George: What series?
User: The World Series of Baseball.
George: Of stupidity, by the sound of things.
User: Yes, the Cubs would have a chance at that one. Particularly Dusty Baker.
George: And what about girls?
User: Is that a backhanded insult regarding Nefi's swing and throwing arm? That's quite sexist.
George: I guess not! If I married her, I would want to forget about it too!
User: You're married to Neifi Perez?
George: I am not married.
User: Ok, cool. So, I am still liking the Cardinals chance at winning the division again this season. How do you feel?
George: Well along with fatigue, I also feel ignored and terribly lonely. That's why I'm here.
User: So you're predicting an injury shortened season for some of the Cardinals starting players?
George: Do you feel love?
User: No, but I do feel exhaustion. Time to go. Good night.
George: Are you leaving me?
User: Ya, have a good evening.
George: Have a bad evening.
User: Well, fuck you, then.
George: You're so lovely!
User: Thanks. Bye.
George: Why are you leaving?
by Valatan on Nov 25, 2005 1:51 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
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